Monday, February 11, 2008

Rock of Love 2 - A Ride on the Wild Side

Life is full of disappointments.

In my 33 years on this earth, I've been made well aware of this time and time again. I inherited my mom's thighs...disappointment. Motley Crue's Generation Swine album...ditto. The CROCS craze...you get the idea. But it's hard for me to understand how something I once loved so much has gone so wrong.

I'd better back up and tell you something about me. I love 80s hair/glam/metal bands. If Nikki Sixx dropped by my house and wanted to take me away with him, SuperHusband has agreed to let me go (Just like I'd be happy to pack a carb-filled picnic lunch for him and Karen Carpenter should she rise from the dead and decide eating is a good thing.). Anyway, Motley Crue, Poison, Bon Jovi, LA Guns, Skid Row, Cinderella...I could go on. I love them all. So last year when I heard about this new reality show called Rock of Love, I knew what I'd be doing every Sunday night at 8pm. Screw Desperate Housewives! Bring on the booze, strippers and bald-spot-covering bandanas!

Season one did not disappoint. In fact, it was greatness. When it didn't work out for Jes and Bret (which I knew it wouldn't - Heather was a much better choice, despite her penchant for Aqua Net and Lucite heels), I was so excited about another season. And this one started out well enough - with one contestant even passing out before the first elimination ceremony. However, it's become a bit tedious and that makes me sad.

My original intent was to blog about this week's episode, but after watching it, I don't have much of a desire. So instead I'll offer a brief recap of my observations from A Ride on the Wild Side.

-- We find out Kristy Joe not only needs to step away from the tweezers and consider a serious one-on-one consultation with an eyebrow tattoer, but she has also been married not once (we learned last week her divorce has not yet been finalized), but twice.

-- Catherine prefers to don long john p.j.s (instead of Apple Bottom jeans) with her boots with the fur. And - we already knew this - girl needs a new hairstyle in a bad way. She might think she's a MILF, but I can't get past that MILC (Mullet I'd Like to Cut).

-- Daisy was the first to shack up with Bret. (Did she learn nothing from Lacey on season one?)

-- Even the cameramen think Bret is lame. (While they were announcing the challenge, he did his famous hip-thrust, then mimicked riding a bike. The camera cut away in the midst of this entertaining gesture, apparently not "turned on" by it in the least.)

-- Aubry is very perceptive...and now we know why. She tells Bret, "I'm very observant. I'm a karaoke host, ok...I know people." Seriously. I'm not making this shit up.

-- Is it just me, or does Aubry looks like a cross between the naked Frenchie chick who was kicked off last week and Alexis Arquette?

-- We're five days into the competition. Yes, only five. Girls are already becoming BFFs and crying over Bret (or sleeping with him...see above). Imagine what will happen after 8 days. It might get more entertaining. I'd better stick around.

The best quote of the episode goes to Destiney (not a typo), on being informed she will be building a motorcycle:

"I'm not very familiar with a lot of tools, so this is definitely a challenge for me."

Uh, hello? Do you realize what show you are on?

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