...And fall on my ass, faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast

On my three hour flight to San Diego last month, my ass started to hurt. Not like, "Oh, I've been in a tiny seat for too long" hurt...I'm talkin' it really hurt. All week, when I wasn't at a convention session or dinner with vendors, I was in my bed at the hotel (which was super-comfy and made every day...I felt like the Hilton sisters when they lived at the Waldorf back in the pre-sex tape days).

So, I've had this pain off and on since then and it's progressively gotten worse. It's like being stabbed in the ass anytime I sit down or stand up. It's been so bad that I've even been using one of those donut thingies at home. (I was watching a Matlock rerun and sitting on my donut the other day and I totally laughed out loud at myself. To my credit, there was no black licorice in sight, nor did Wal-Mart call and offer me a position as a greeter...)

Anyway...I have a pretty decent pain tolerance. And I can deal with it during the day just fine. But when the ass pain started fucking with my sleep last week, I decided I needed to get it checked out and see if the doctor could prescribe something to at least help me get 6 hours or so of shut eye at night.

Since my regular doctor doesn't have an x-ray machine, I decided to go to my local urgent care center (that three-hour ordeal could be a post in and of itself, but I'll save it for another day). I thought my tailbone was probably bruised from falling at derby practice. But it isn't. The damn thing is broken. Yep...I have a broken damn ass bone. Thankfully, the break (in the tee-tiny-tip-bone) pushed that bone outward, not inward (which would make bathroom time very, very painful). Still...a broken ass bone is a broken ass bone.

But the doctor was nice enough to prescribe a painkiller to help me sleep. (I'm sure those 10 pills he gave me will last at least three days.) And I don't fly again until Sept. 29. And roller derby assessment isn't until October 1. I'm sure I'll be better by then...right?!?

Today's title selection: My Name Is - Eminem