Tuesday, September 16, 2008

...And fall on my ass, faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast

On my three hour flight to San Diego last month, my ass started to hurt. Not like, "Oh, I've been in a tiny seat for too long" hurt...I'm talkin' it really hurt. All week, when I wasn't at a convention session or dinner with vendors, I was in my bed at the hotel (which was super-comfy and made every day...I felt like the Hilton sisters when they lived at the Waldorf back in the pre-sex tape days).

So, I've had this pain off and on since then and it's progressively gotten worse. It's like being stabbed in the ass anytime I sit down or stand up. It's been so bad that I've even been using one of those donut thingies at home. (I was watching a Matlock rerun and sitting on my donut the other day and I totally laughed out loud at myself. To my credit, there was no black licorice in sight, nor did Wal-Mart call and offer me a position as a greeter...)

Anyway...I have a pretty decent pain tolerance. And I can deal with it during the day just fine. But when the ass pain started fucking with my sleep last week, I decided I needed to get it checked out and see if the doctor could prescribe something to at least help me get 6 hours or so of shut eye at night.

Since my regular doctor doesn't have an x-ray machine, I decided to go to my local urgent care center (that three-hour ordeal could be a post in and of itself, but I'll save it for another day). I thought my tailbone was probably bruised from falling at derby practice. But it isn't. The damn thing is broken. Yep...I have a broken damn ass bone. Thankfully, the break (in the tee-tiny-tip-bone) pushed that bone outward, not inward (which would make bathroom time very, very painful). Still...a broken ass bone is a broken ass bone.

But the doctor was nice enough to prescribe a painkiller to help me sleep. (I'm sure those 10 pills he gave me will last at least three days.) And I don't fly again until Sept. 29. And roller derby assessment isn't until October 1. I'm sure I'll be better by then...right?!?

Today's title selection: My Name Is - Eminem

3 comments:

Pearl said...

Awww! You poor thing, I am so sorry about your broken ass bone!! ::insert witty comment about a "pain in the ass" here::

devilish southern belle said...

I can relate! I smacked my ass bone really, really hard on my skates, and it hurt to sit up, get down, gah. I'm pretty sure mine wasn't broken, though. It gradually got better!

sister said...

What? It's broken? Your ass bone is BROKEN? Bless your heart! Man, you roller derby chicks are tough!

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