Why does it hurt when I pee...

Has anybody seen the television commercial for Liberator Medical Supply?

No?

Well then let me introduce you to Holly, a 40-ish woman with a penchant for denim button downs and playing with cats in meadows.

Holly tells us that since her health benefits don't cover new catheters, she is forced to reuse them every time she "caths."

OK. First of all...ewww.

Secondly, is cath even a word? Or did she just verbize* catheter? As somebody who evidently reuses catheters pretty regularly...if anyone can do it, I guess she can. But it still bugs me.

And this whole self-cath thing??? When did health care workers stop doing that kind of stuff? I understand there are chronic conditions that require people to do some sort of medical procedure on their own regularly - like diabetics and insulin shots for instance. But I've had a catheter**, and let me tell you, I don't think my public relations degree would have prepared me to put that sucker all the way up in there.

Anyway, enough about me. Back to Holly...

Holly explains how tedious it is to reuse her catheters: She has to boil (I hope in a pot dedicated to that purpose and that purpose alone), dry and reuse them. Plus, they've been causing her to get a lot of nasty urinary tract infections lately (duh!). So what's a girl to do?

Enter Liberator Medical Supply.

Like a shining beacon in the night, Holly hears about this company that will ensure you never again have to boil and toil over your infection-infused catheter. There's only one problem: Holly is afraid to call. Yes, the chick who sanatizes and inserts a pee tube INTO HER BLADDER is too afraid to make a telephone call (a call that we later learn will change her life forever). Thankfully, her mom calls for her.

It's a struggle, but eventually Holly overcomes her telephobia*, talks with the representatives, gets her new catheters and all is well. She feels so good, in fact, that she can squat in the meadow to pet her cat. (Cat...CATheter...nice subliminal messaging there, LMS!)

So what are you waiting for? Pick up the phone and call...

Today's title selection: Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? - Frank Zappa

*= Yes, I know I made that up. But y'all know that's how I roll.
**= I was hospitalized after a car accident. There's nothing like the guy you like coming to visit you in the hospital, sitting beside you and politely asking you if you can stop pissing until he leaves because your catheter is at his feet and he doesn't realize you can't help that shit. I hope Holly never encounters such hatred.