I'm diggin’ on you...you diggin' on me....we diggin' on we...

Congratulations, VH-1, for milking reality show skankage for all its worth.

As if Rock of Love and Flavor of Love weren't enough...both shows have inspired a ton of spin-offs. I Love New York (1 and 2), New York Goes to Hollywood, Charm School, Rock of Love Charm School, I Love Money, Real Chance at Love and Daisy of Love (Wow. That title is about as original as Daisy's tits.)...It's only a matter of time until they break into the cooking show genre with Camp Cookin' Rodeo Style.

And now that I think about it...we should probably call all these shows spit-offs since everybody is hooking up (and a few have even been known to actually spit on one another).

The chart at the left (click to enlarge) illustrates the hook-ups of contestants from VH-1's "Of Love" franchise (left) in comparison to sexual activity of the average American (right, bottom). OK...not really. But it might as well be.

Watching all these nasty people get it on with one another totally grosses me out. Flavor Flav is the worst. If you are watching Flavor of Love while eating (which probably isn't a good idea anyway), you'd better hope there isn't a make-out scene.

And did anyone else watch I Love Money? Is it just me, or were you totally grossed out by the house they lived in? It was disgusting and I bet it smelled like stale Newports, dirty panties and man-sweat. Blech.

Of course for some reason, the Rock of Love make-out scenes don't gross me out. Sure, they make me feel a little dirty...and maybe even a little sad for Bret, but I'll take that over Flav's Hoover-mouth any day.

I think that's why I kind of prefer the Charm School shows. Everybody is still drunk and stupid, but without all the "relationship" drama. I'm loving Rock of Love Charm School. And of course, I'm a Team Heather girl, despite her outfit in the season opener:

If you ever wondered what would happen if Dee Snyder and Fredrick's of Hollywood had a baby...now you know.

Today's title selection: Can't Stop - Babyface

Don't you know I'm still standing...

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.

I've been in lovely San Diego, CA attending a conference. Since I usually have to lug a laptop with me whenever I travel for work, I jumped at the chance to leave her at home this time. Of course, that meant not being able to obsessively check MySpace, read work e-mails (and actually work) or blog. Which wasn't really such a bad thing...at first. But then I remembered that middle-aged professionals plucked out of their comfort zones and attending a conference in a new city are just blog posts waiting to happen! I could've kicked myself for leaving the laptop at home!

But since I did...you'll just have to rely on my memory. I'd like you to meet a few of the folks I've spent the last few days with. If you've ever been to a convention, you will probably recognize them.

1. Drunken Donna: No soccer practice car pool + open bar = Drunken Donna. She's the one you only see at social events (and she's so loud you can't miss her)....never at the early morning seminars and educational programming (that starts when she's still sleeping it off).

2. Dance Machine Daniel: At the big welcome party, you'll spot Daniel bouncing up and down in front of the stage as he pumps his lighted Blackberry in the air to the sounds of the cover band's rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. By the end of the night, his oxford cloth Polo shirt might be stained, but he'll feel just like he did at the Stones' show in '78.

3. Talkative Terry: Terry has never been bored in a seminar in his life. This is probably because Terry, a self-proclaimed expert on everything, spends the entire time sharing his own stories and personal experiences. In fact, he usually spends more time talking than the actual presenter. Beware of Terry...if you're in a session with him, you will never, I repeat NEVER get out early.

4, Monitor Mary: She works with you and is attending the conference, too. Every time you run into Mary, she looks at you with a skeptical eye and asks which sessions you attended. Then she quizzes you on specifics to see if you really went. Mary is easy to spot - she ignores the "business casual" dress code and shows up daily in suit, hose and sensible heels.

5. What Not to Wear Wanda: Poor Wanda. Her pants are too short, her shirt is too tight and her hairstyle hasn't changed since 1982. In the industry I am in, there are a lot of Wandas. Seriously. Clinton and Stacy would have a field day (although they'd quickly run out of $5,000 gift cards). Note to Wandas: Just because you can button those jeans, doesn't mean you should wear 'em honey.

Needless to say, I am damn glad to be home.

Today's title selection: I'm Still Standing - Elton John