Nobody's fool, nobody's fool...

Dear Dippin' Dots:

After 20 years, you're still hanging on to that Ice Cream of the Future thing? Seriously?

Love,
ro

Today's title selection: Nobody's Fool - Cinderella

A new sensation...A new sensation...Right now!

I have some VERY exciting news to report!!!

HippieSister (Pearl to those of you who stop by her blog) and I are going to be on the Tyra Banks Show! OK, not really...well, not yet anyway. But as soon as Her Flyness catches wind of our brand-new, super-amazing reality television blog, I'm sure the producers will be breaking down our doors!

That's right, kids, HippieSister and I have put our heads together to help you waste even more time during your already-busy-reading-blogs-day. We combined our love of bad reality shows with our knack for making witty (and sometimes snarky) observations and comments and out popped our new baby:

DVRgasm, where "we put the spunk in reality junk."

Cool, huh? I mean, we have a tagline and everything!!!

So anyway, pop on over and check it out. You can see our current line-up (and let us know of any other shows you'd like us to add to the rotation). We'll both still be writing on our original blogs, so don't worry about that. Of course, we'll have to neglect our families to do all this. But you guys are SO worth it.

Today's title selection: New Sensation - INXS

I don't care what you (don't??) say anymore, this is my life...

No. Motivation. To. Blog.

I think this was probably due to the fact that I had a really busy weekend. Friday we had a derby "meet and greet" as part of a GLAAD event at the local lesbian watering hole (where, despite my mini and fishnets, I did not get ONE free drink! I told myself it was because I was too lipstick for the crowd. That was it, right??) . Then dinner with Cowboy and SuperHusband. SH went out with friends, but I wasn't able to because I had to work 40 minutes away at 7:45 AM the next morning. Yes...Saturday morning. That's one thing that sucks about working for a non-profit...they save money by having weekend meetings to avoid weekday corporate hotel rates.

Anyway, I went to sleep at a respectable 11:30pm, but was awoken from my Advil PM-induced slumber by SH, who informed me that the friends he went out with were in no condition to drive home so they were spending the night. No biggie...until 5:30AM when I was awoken again by a discussion of how the writers for the Sesame Street of our youth undoubtedly had access to a shitload of awesome hallucinogenic drugs. Now don't get me wrong...this is a conversation I would've loved to have participated in...at a decent hour. When I left for work, it was still going on.

So I worked, then we had a derby appearance at Harley Davidson, which was really fun. Sister and family came out and DoodleBug got to see his auntie on skates for the first time! Saturday night was our pre-bout party and, as usual, we closed the place down. After our Whataburger run, I was in bed at 4am.

Now, I know you all don't enjoy hearing about my day-to-day life, as evidence by your comments...my super-fun vacation post got a whopping ZERO comments, but the AVN awards are holding steady at four. So either I am really boring, or you guys are just really into porn.

I'm going to tell myself it's the latter....perverts.

Today's title selection: My Life - the Billy Joel

Smooth up in ya...

OK, I was all prepared to write a hilarious overview of the AVN Adult Video Awards, which I watched a couple of weeks ago, thanks to the DVR and Showtime (I know, right? I totally would've guessed Cinemax, too!). However, like some pornos I've seen, it was actually kind of boring and a little too long.

But since I watched it and all and because it was the 25th anniversary of these prestigious honors, I will give you a few of my observations from the broadcast.

First bit of AVN trivia - there were 120 categories! I'm not even kidding. Really. Is there a need for both the Best Squirting Release and the Best Squirting Series?? Thankfully, they weren't all broadcast. I imagine the Best Packaging Innovation - that's actually packaging, folks...not best package - and Best Retail Web site awards were given by some D-lister like Seymore Butt's mom at another presentation far off the strip. But there were a few categories that made me shake my head:

Best Soundtrack (huh? oh. I mean. uhhhhhh....)
Best Solo Masturbation (otherwise known as the Redundancy Award)
Best Comedy (couldn't this apply to most of them?)
Best MILF Release (See..everybody loves the mommies!)

I also learned a new term - POV, which is NOT Power of Veto in the porn world. It's Point of View, a style of pornography. Frankly, I'd rather watch Evil Dick doing some stupid challenge than see a movie from some hairy guy holding a camcorder on himself...but that's just me.

Anyway, back to the show...

A few of the highlights were:

1. The Traditional Dance of the Starlets, which basically consisted of porn actresses grinding each other (and more!) on stage while some tranny (in need of a new make-up artist/stylist) sang lyrics such as "Who are the girls who will do double anal for fun?"
2. In one acceptance speech, the actress thanked the crew by saying, "I've never seen people come together like they did on this movie." Poor thing didn't even realize she'd made a double entendre. Neither did the audience.
3. Another winner thanked both Ron Jeremy and Krisiti Yamaguchi for her success. I'd wager money that's the first time those two have made it into a sentence, let alone an acceptance speech of any kind, together.

Aside from that...there wasn't much else that held my attention and, frankly, I was ready for it to end already. I think the biggest disappointment was the fact that there is no creativity in the movie names any more. I admit I'll sometimes scan the SPICE channel to see if there are any clever movie or actor names (American Booty...Saving Ryan's Privates...Michael J. Cox). But the only take on a mainstream movie name (that won or was nominated for an award, anyway) was Black Snake Boned. The rest were stupid names like Jada Fire is Squirt Woman (um...guess which category that one swept?).

So, all in all, the AVN awards were a...um...bust. And a big one at that.

Today's title selection: Smooth Up In Ya - Bullet Boys

The old man was covered in tattoos and scars...

Precious rode with us to Telluride for our recent vacation and was, I must say, a kick-ass travel companion. Not only did she bring her quick wit and great storytelling skills, she also brought good (read: fattening) snacks. And everybody knows good snacks are the key to a successful road trip.

Precious is newly single and...well, precious, so when we go out, she's kind of in demand. Such was the case our first night on the road in Durango.

The last stop on our downtown pub crawl was El Rancho, a kind of hole-in-the-wall dive bar. Well...as much of a dive bar as you can find in a town that charges $160 a night for somewhat shady accommodations in an EconoLodge.

Anyway, El Rancho is where Matty and Bob came into our lives. Matty was about 30, skinny as a rod and covered in tattoos. He also had a penchant for throwing everyone in the bar the finger (we decided later this was to show off his finger tats, although he kind of had a shitty "fuck you world" attitude, so that might've been the reason, too).

Matty and Precious danced the night away....she, a porcelain-skinned blonde, providing a stark contrast to his weathered, ink-infused dark skin. They weren't the oddest couple in the place, but they were pretty darn close. Anyway, it was during a particularly vigorous dance to She Goes Down by Motley Crue that she noticed the tattoo on the knuckles of his left hand. It said "FIDE." When she asked what that meant, Matty stopped mid-spin, threw up both knuckles side by side to show her that he was, in fact, BONA FIDE. A bona fide what, we are still trying to determine.

Then there was Bob, a sixtyish local who latched on to us later in the evening. He was a really nice guy, but a little...um..off. When we mentioned we were from Dallas, he told us he was here once not long ago...back in the 70s. It was in our great state that Bob met a couple who gave him a ride...and 7 hits of acid and he ended up in Durango shortly thereafter. It was obvious those 7 hits were just the tip of the iceberg for old Bob. We kind of wanted to ask him what year he thought it was. But decided to just buy him a beer and call it good.

While we're on the topic of picking up strays...

In Teullride, we met a late-30sish chick who we christened Thunder Pussy. She had, like 4 first names and after twice that many cocktails, we couldn't remember them all and TP just kind of "fit" her. She loved her new name and even came up with some for us which, of course (and unfortunately), made us all new BFFs. She was a local, so I'm sure meeting tourists who weren't rich assholes was a new experience for her. And, while she was nice and all, she was wasted beyond belief and kind of annoying. We didn't go back to that bar again for fear of another Thunder Pussy encounter.

Thankfully, for the rest of the trip the only drunk and obnoxious people we encountered were ourselves.

Today's title selection: If That Ain't Country - David Alan Coe

'Cause I'm back! Yes, I'm back...

We made it back from vacation in one piece! Well...unless you count the parts of my liver that I lost in Colorado and Utah. But more or less we returned unscathed. AND we had an amazing vacation.

Telluride was gorgeous! It was our first time there, but definitely won't be our last. Unfortunately, we had such a packed schedule that we totally didn't have time for brunch with Tom and Katie. But we did go white water rafting, eat some great food, hang out at some pretty kick ass bars and do a little exploring. And the wedding was at a cabin at about 12,000 feet and getting there (via a one-lane dirt road) was an adventure in and of itself.

Alta Lakes Observatory (site of the wedding)

Bear Lake was pretty relaxing, too. It was great hanging out with TheProfessor for three days straight. And we got to spend some quality time with Red, the new boyfriend (who has our official seal of approval, by the way).

We left Bear Lake at 10am on Saturday and drove straight through (with a brief stop to see some friends in Denver), pulling into our driveway at 8am on Sunday. SuperHusband drove the entire way! (And you wonder why I call him SuperHusband...)

So...now that I am back, I'm planning to knock your socks off with some amazing posts in the next few days. I have to report on a couple of funny events from the trip and I need to do my review of the AVN Awards (which I watched before I left AND took notes on...see, I do the heavy lifting so you don't have to!). So stick around...we're (finally) back to regularly scheduled programming!

Today's title selection: Back in Black - AC/DC

Flashback Friday: You’re the inspiration...

Hundreds Tens of you have read my blog and a few of you have even been inspired to start your own, which I find really cool (and yes, a little flattering). You know I’m all for anything that gets you guys off your asses and doing something productive (like rehashing your favorite reality show for my entertainment).

So have you ever wondered what inspired me to jump on the train to blog-town? No? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. In a word…Winona. No…not Judd (she’s much cuter) and not Ryder (although she likes to shop, she foregoes the “lifting” part). Somehow I stumbled upon Daddy Likey and, aside from the awesome name, I found myself thoroughly entertained by this blog. In fact, it’s the first blog I read on a regular basis (I was super late to the blog party…I think my invitation was lost in the mail.).

Anyway, DL was running a contest to find the most terrible, awful outfit readers wore as children/teens (mostly in the late 80s, early 90s). I was bored so I decided to enter. It was a little hard…not the writing part, but narrowing it down to just one amazingly bad outfit out of the hundreds I wore growing up (can you say cowprint cowgirl shirt and wrap skirt…with Ropers? Not. Even. Kidding.).

I ended up choosing one, entered the contest and was one of three finalists, which made me think I might be funny enough (to others, not just myself and TheProfessor) to actually write my own blog. Sadly, I didn’t win the contest (and the Charlie perfume, Boys to Men CD and Bonne Bell lip gloss prize pack – dammit!), but it remind me of how much I love to write about normal (i.e. non-work-related…not always normal) stuff.

So today’s Flashback is actually a two for one. A double-back if you will…

Not only did you get to learn why I started blogging, I’ll also let you in on the post that started it all. Mine is the first one, codename: Mortified. Read it and you’ll see why that moniker is especially fitting..

Which bring us to your assignment. Since I’ve spilled it about my hideous outfit, I want to hear about yours. You can even send pictures if you want to itwasfunnyinmyhead@yahoo.com and I’ll post them when I return.

And by the way, I realize I’m totally stealing Winona’s idea, which I would usually never do…but it was such a good one and I’m giving her credit. So I’m sure she (and you) will forgive me.

Today's title selection: You’re the Inspiration – Chicago