I'm diggin’ on you...you diggin' on me....we diggin' on we...

Congratulations, VH-1, for milking reality show skankage for all its worth.

As if Rock of Love and Flavor of Love weren't enough...both shows have inspired a ton of spin-offs. I Love New York (1 and 2), New York Goes to Hollywood, Charm School, Rock of Love Charm School, I Love Money, Real Chance at Love and Daisy of Love (Wow. That title is about as original as Daisy's tits.)...It's only a matter of time until they break into the cooking show genre with Camp Cookin' Rodeo Style.

And now that I think about it...we should probably call all these shows spit-offs since everybody is hooking up (and a few have even been known to actually spit on one another).

The chart at the left (click to enlarge) illustrates the hook-ups of contestants from VH-1's "Of Love" franchise (left) in comparison to sexual activity of the average American (right, bottom). OK...not really. But it might as well be.

Watching all these nasty people get it on with one another totally grosses me out. Flavor Flav is the worst. If you are watching Flavor of Love while eating (which probably isn't a good idea anyway), you'd better hope there isn't a make-out scene.

And did anyone else watch I Love Money? Is it just me, or were you totally grossed out by the house they lived in? It was disgusting and I bet it smelled like stale Newports, dirty panties and man-sweat. Blech.

Of course for some reason, the Rock of Love make-out scenes don't gross me out. Sure, they make me feel a little dirty...and maybe even a little sad for Bret, but I'll take that over Flav's Hoover-mouth any day.

I think that's why I kind of prefer the Charm School shows. Everybody is still drunk and stupid, but without all the "relationship" drama. I'm loving Rock of Love Charm School. And of course, I'm a Team Heather girl, despite her outfit in the season opener:

If you ever wondered what would happen if Dee Snyder and Fredrick's of Hollywood had a baby...now you know.

Today's title selection: Can't Stop - Babyface

...No escape from reality

Reality television has penetrated our culture like a fat hairy guy in a 70s porno getting in on with a jungle-bushed skank. If I weren’t so lazy (and I was getting paid for sharing my random thoughts with you) I’d figure out how many hours a day are devoted to “unscripted” programming. However, since I am (indolent) and I’m not (compensated), I’ll guesstimate that it’s a hell of a lot.

So it’s not surprising that at some point reality would seep over into the fashion world. Here are my top five examples of this tragic influence:

1. Spring 2008 runway - agnès b.

Add some tights and this could be Highlander Man - a new contestant on the next season of Who Wants to be a Superhero. Giant Sword not included.

2. "Heidiwood" by that chick from The Hills

I am very proud to say that I have never watched an episode of this show. Ever. However, I did catch Age of Love, and this little number from the Heidiwood “collection” looks like something the cougars would love to slip their silicone into.

3. Floor Length Tie Gown - Donna Karan Collection

Who knew Donna Karan was a Big Brother fan? Jen made the red unitard famous last summer and Sharon donned it again this season (although I don't think Sharon enjoyed the “punishment” as much as her predecessor). Now - for a mere $2,695 - you, too, can sport the spandex. Self-centeredness optional.

4. Stripe Shorts with Suspenders - Hinge

In Amish in the City, the Amish collide with the city kids during Rumspringa. Chaos ensues. Much like the pinstriped shorts/scoop neck T, suspenders combo shown here.

5. The “Tight Sag” by Soulful Commandoe

OK. This has got to be a joke, right? Right?!? The inspiration for these was obviously taken from Flavor of Love. You’ve got the sag of Flav’s trousers, with the tightness of New York’s painted on skinny jeans. And, much like Flav and NY as a couple…this just ain't right.

I'm a Cowboy, on the Steel Horse I Ride...

In case you haven't noticed, I've started using song titles/lyrics as my blog titles. Pretty fun, don't you think? (I guess seeing as how nobody reads this, I can do whatever in the hell I want!)

Anyway, today I was thinking about bad decisions. We're still steaming over the poor call in the UCLA/A&M game last weekend, and it got me thinkin'. We all make bad decisions in our lives. Whether it's going with a college major because it was what someone else thought was best or taking that "one last tequila shot," we've all been there. Thankfully, none of my major life decisions have been horrible. I married the greatest man in the world, I have a good job (although I am still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up...but aren't we all?) and I've never killed a puppy or harassed a hobo. I'd say I'm doing pretty good.

But alas, gentle reader, I am far from perfect and have made plenty of poor choices. In the interest of keeping this light-hearted, I won't go into the really bad ones (like the college boyfriend I stayed with despite the fact he thought TheProfessor and I were lesbians. Gayle and Oprah - I totally feel your pain).

That said without further ado, here is number one (in what may or may not be an ongoing reminder of my bad decisions in the fashion arena).

1. The cowgirl skirt I made - and wore to school - in pre-school. I wanted one so badly (I looked at that damn Sears catalog page every day), but my grandma refused to buy one (reason #459,890 she is the smartest woman I know).

(Click here for more Sears awesomeness. Thanks, Alinsane!)

But did I, in all my five-year-old wisdom, take "no" for an answer? Oh, hell no. I opted to make my own (this was before all those studies came out that said scissors and needles were dangerous for kids).

The finished product was absolutely hideous (I wish I had a photo, but trust me...it was bad. I mean, really bad). The skirt was so bad, in fact, that when the 18-year-old teacher asked me...through obvious laughter...if I made it, I answered with what was probably my first lie ever.

"No, I didn't make it. My grandma did."

Sorry, grandma.