Reason #264 why I love MySpace

I know. I am wayyy too old to be on MySpace. This is because:

1. I'm not seeking random hook-ups from guys with names like DeezNutz or CA_Baller


2. I'm not trying to catapult my band from my basement to super stardom with one whiny "emo" song


3. I don't even know what in the hell emo means


4. I'm not a creepy 40-something trying to pass myself off as Sk8RBoi13 or some other To Catch A Predator-worthy nickname

What I am, though, is DAMN NOSY. That's right. I'm talking nosy-beyond-fucking-belief. If it weren't for the whole peeing-in-a-cup-while-on-a-stakeout-thing, I would've been a kick ass detective. And MySpace is a voyeur's dream.

In all of five minutes, I can learn that the girl I hated in college is still fatter than me (SCORE!), that the slutty girl from high school is now married with super-cute kids (who all look surprisingly like the father - good for her!) and that my cousin is still going through her ultimate fighting phase. The BEST part about MySpace, however, may just be the people you don't know, but happen across. Like today, for instance.

I needed a little break from work, so I log in to my page to see if the girl I kinda knew in high school has sent yet another survey letting everyone know "the last thing (she) ate that started with the letter B" and the "three things (she) regularly drinks." I had a little time, so I went to my high school's message board. The topic was "Who was your favorite teacher?" and I was interested to see who my fellow former classmates thought was the most inspiring and why. That's where I came across this gem:

"Mr. ____ for History....easiest "A" I ever made! I can still write/say the Star Spangled Banner (1st verse) and the Pledge of Allegiance without missing a word."

That little gem was posted by 42-year old Nancy who, upon further digging into her page, only reads, "on a cold wet winters (sic) day, otherwise I'd rather be out in the country just being me" and "has better things to do with my time that to sit in front of the boob tube and get fat."

Now come on, Nance...frolicking among the cows and chickens and missing Project Runway aside...you didn't learn the Star Spangled Banner and Pledge of Allegiance until high school? Seriously? I know you went to a small-town school and all, but I learned that early in elementary school. And the fact that you can still recite the national anthem and pledge is not something to brag about - as an American citizen, you SHOULD be able to do this. Now if you could still recite the prologue to the Canterbury Tales, that would be something to write home about. For the record, I can. Well, the first 8 or so lines anyway.

So here's to you Nancy. Thank you for providing me with some blodder* for today and for giving me yet another reason to keep my MySpace account and be nosy on a regular basis.

*= blodder: blog fodder (I am so clever)