Flashback Friday: Elementary School Writing Assignment

One of SuperHusband's co-workers is married to a third grade teacher. Below is a story submitted by one of her students.

For the record, I eat at least a cup of carrots every day and can put my legs straight up, too. Guess that's why SuperHusband hasn't asked for a new hore of his own lately...

Flashback Friday: Gonna dress you up in my love

Only 28 more days until Halloween! Do you have your costume picked out yet?

We have a combination Halloween/Derby Recruiting Party, which gives me the perfect excuse to:

1. Wear a costume for the first time in 2 years.
2. Dress up as a "Sexy (insert...uh, anything...here)."

The whole "sexy cop" "sexy red riding hood" "sexy sheep farmer" thing has always bugged me a little bit. I've never really understood why everyone had to sex it up on Halloween (unless they were a member of Color Me Badd, of course). And until now, I'd eschewed the whole thing myself...last time I dressed up I was a Future Farmer of America, for God's sake. But this year is going to be different. And derby is my excuse.

See, a while back one of the girls introduced me to this store called Steve & Barry's. The clothing is of questionable quality, but they have lots of derby-appropriate skirts and shorts. And did I mention everything is, like, $8.88 or something?

So I bought this green skirt. I plan to pair it with fishnets (of course), white socks, black Mary Janes (or Converse if I am too lazy to find the MJs), and a white top. Add pigtails and a green sash (complete with "badges" for tequila shooting, ass kicking and beer drinking) and voila! Girl Scout Gone Bad!

The only hitch is that I have to convince SuperHusband to wear this cool Girl Scout cookie costume. But he'll do it, right?

Oh...this is supposed to be a Flashback, not a Flashforward. So do you remember those horrendous plastic costumes? I think I was Barbie once. And possibly a panda bear (the memory fades...I earned that tequila shooting badge I tell ya!). I was also a gypsy, baton twirler, baby (a couple of times), 70s chick, California Raisin and I'm sure some other things I can't remember right now.

What about you? Halloween - love it? Hate it? Costumes...past? Present?

If you need to jog your memory...check out this great site with tons of those plastic monstrosities!


Today's title selection: Dress You Up - Madonna

Flashback Friday: Wanna take her to the movies...

Are you one of those people who can watch a movie hundreds of times and never get sick of it? I'm not. A movie has to be really, really good for me to even watch it a second time. Now SuperHusband, on the other hand, is exactly the opposite. If American History X, the Deer Hunter, Braveheart, Taxi Driver or Buffalo 66 is on...even if it's on TNT with a shitload of commercials...he's watching it. (And that list is by no means inclusive...I could name about 20 more off the top of my head).

I wasn't always against re-watching movies. Growing up, I could watch the same one every day. This is totally my grandparents' - with whom I lived - fault because I didn't wear them down enough to get cable until I was in 8th or 9th grade.

Of course, I loved all the cheesy movies most girls growing up in the 80s did - any John Hughes movie, Footloose, Dirty Dancing, etc. etc. etc. But the five that my VCR wore out were by no means smash hits. They were, however, pretty awesome.

I had a thing for horror movies and April Fools Day is one of the best. Not only is the "twist" pretty great, the so-bad-they're-good special effects, that were the hallmark of 80s horror, are pretty stellar as well. And by stellar I mean obvious and cheesy. Bonus: The actress who played the main character, Buffy, was also in Valley Girl and guest starred on TJ Hooker. It doesn't get much more 80s than that, folks.

G-I-R-L-S! Oh. My. God. I freaking loved Girls Just Want to have Fun. I actually owned this one and probably watched it at least twice a week for a year or two. Of course, I also dreamt of being a Solid Gold dancer...or a Dance Party USA regular...or a contestant on Dance Fever (even though hosts Deney Terrio and Adrien Zmed were both kinda skeevy). If you've seen this, you must check out the YouTube video for Dancing in Heaven. Hearing it will totally make you smile (and remember how badly you wanted to be on DTV).

I have three words for you - Wendy O. Williams. Ok, two words and an initial. Long before I even knew who the Plasmatics were, I knew "Charlie" from Reform School Girls. Nevermind that she was, like, late 30s playing a teenager - she was a scary, bullying badass and I thought she was great. Of course, being a movie about a bunch of chicks locked up, there was the requisite nudity and girl-on-girl action, so this one was probably more popular with teenage boys than girls. I'm sure SuperHusband - at 12 - could've told you exactly when in the movie the first set of boobies appeared.

Night of the Comet was every teenage girl's dream. No, not the part where the earth passes through a comet and almost all life is extinguished. I'm talking about when the sisters go on a shopping spree in the deserted mall. Of course, they only get to do that because almost everyone else is dead. Still...all the Camp Beverly Hills clothing and Swatch accessories you could grab...what 80s teenager would've minded fighting a few Zombies for that motherload? Not this one.


As far as 80s horror movies go, Sleepaway Camp is the pièce de résistance. Remember how I said April Fools Day had a great twist (If you don't your short-term memory is even worse than mine)? Well SC has the best. Ever. Plus Angela's aunt is super-fucking-creepy. Add that in with the whole "summer camp factor" which has always fascinated me, and you have what is possibly the most entertaining movie no one has ever seen. I am the embarrassed proud owner of the entire SC series on DVD, but the first is by far the best.


Here's where we turn to the audience participation portion of today's post. Which not-so-popular movies did/do you love enough to watch again and again?


Today's title selection: She Wants More - Slaughter

Flashback Friday: Did you see your inspiration in my latest collection...

When I was a kid, I collected a lot of crap. I'm not going to tell you about all of it right now (I have to have something to write about later), but I will say that around 1983ish - for at least 2 months or so - I was quite the novelty eraser collector.

I can still totally remember coming upon a new one at Coach House Gifts or whatever other random store I was at. I always had a limited amount of money, so I'd spend ages deciding which to buy. I'd feel them. I'd smell them. I'd decide on one, only to put it back when I came across a better one. If I only spent half as long buying clothes, I'd have a lot fewer items in my closet that still have tags on them.

I thought about the erasers today when I saw a picture of an ice cream cone. It reminded me of these:


Which led me to:
Iron Lace's Photostream, where you can view tons of erasers from the 80s.
Joe Woodworker's collection of more than 2,600 erasers from around the world.
Neptune Beach's blog about her erasers.

Yeah...I had a little time on my hands.

In comparison to these folks, my little collection was pretty pathetic. I even *gasp!* actually used them to erase things! But I had a few that are pictured on those pages and it was pretty fun to reminisce about them (remember cigarette erasers??). Check it out if you're bored.

And, yeah. I realize it's not Friday.

Today's title selection: Harajuku Girl - Gwen Stefani

Flashback Friday: You gotta go back, back, back to school again...

Remember school picture day? What a big deal when you were a kid, right? Well...to everyone except the guy who wore the same ratty Skid Row shirt every year. You know the one.

God...I remember planning my outfits and hair weeks in advance. In fact, in third grade I even wore rollers to school and my teacher took them out right before the pictures so I'd have these long, gorgeous, black doo-doo curls. Bless you, Mrs. Rix. I know now my hair was totally heinous, but you were such a good sport and didn't laugh at me once... so much nicer than those bitches who taught pre-school.

In addition to that one, my pics over the years have featured my hair at various stages of terrible. From the long, to-my-ass straight hair parted down the middle...to the braids with feathered bangs and a fathered roach clip for good measure (sadly, I am not kidding)...to the boy-short do courtesy of my aunt (whose only hairstyling credential was owning a pair of scissors). But I think my favorite was probably my senior picture, which featured my permed,teased, sun-glitzed hair in all it's glory. Surprisingly, it all made it into the frame...most of my friends were not so fortunate.

So when I came across this amazing web site that let's you upload a pic and see what your school pics would look like at various years spanning five decades...I had to try it. Yep...that's me to the left circa 1960 (Afro-Ro is pretty kick ass, too). Check it out if you need to kill a few hours. You can thank me later.

Today's title selection: Back to School Again - from Grease

Flashback Friday: Hot in the city, hot in the city tonight...

Could it get any hotter? I swear every summer I ask myself why in the hell I choose to live in Texas. Then I remember my family is here (and I actually like a couple of them) and it’s a pretty kick-ass place otherwise. So...we stay and endure another 3 months of 100+ degree heat.

Isn't it weird how you didn't mind the sweltering heat as a kid? I loved - and I mean LOVED - the summer when I was growing up and I didn’t even notice the heat…except when I got into my grandpa’s pickup truck:

This is exactly what grandpa's truck looked like...just add a couple of dents and about 100 pounds of dust.

I don’t know what in the hell that Chevy's seats were made out of, but they were black…scratchy…and hot as hell. However, on days that it hauled me to the municipal swimming pool (or my friend Half-Pint's house, which had a pool), I knew better than to complain.

Of course, not every day could be a pool day. That's when I had to improvise.

Fun Fountain
There's something about a creepy clown blowing his lid that screams "Summertime fun!," no? My main memory about this thing was that the water pressure in the middle was a lot harder then the chick on the box makes it out to be. That, and the massive concussion I got every time the hat veered off course (which happened pretty often), fell 12 feet and hit me on the head.

Interestingly enough, this product was made by Wham-O. Coincidence? I think not.


Wet Banana
The Wet Banana was the poor man's Slip 'n Slide.

I had one of these at least one summer and it was heaven! Of course, I also had the requisite cuts from running into the metal things that held this into the ground, the bruises from a few missteps in throwing myself onto the damn thing and, of course, the grass burns that I got when I had too much momentum going to stop. My WB was in the front yard, and we had a huge rectangular mud pit for, like, 2 years after we got rid of the damn thing. But, like the injuries, it was a small price to pay.

Of course, all that playing made me work up a pretty good thirst. And thanks to the Snoopy Snow Cone Machine, it only took my about 30 mnutes to crank out enough ice to make a tasty, (but tiny) shaved ice treat.At one point I upgraded to the Frosty Sno-Cone Machine. Same principle, but it was a little easier to maneuver. Of course, the pill despinser-size cups were still the same.

But what if I wasn't in the mood for shaved ice? No problem. I'd just bust out my Pepsi Soda dispenser and have a nice little carbonated beverage.

Of course, it usually wasn't Pepsi. We were more of a Shasta family. So I'm sure it was Moon Mist Shasta (Mountain Dew flavor...ewww, right?), cream soda or whatever else was on sale that week.

So that's how I stayed cool in the summers...What about you?

Today's title selection: Hot in the City: Billy Idol

Flashback Friday: If Menudo decir, move your boca like this...

I wasn't really a cartoon kid. Sure, on Saturday mornings I watched them, but I wasn't super excited to jump out of bed to turn on the television. That is, until they started showing this 10-15 minute segment each Saturday that featured a 5 super-cute little brown boys who would sing and dance. That band was called Menudo.

I actually remember very little about the show, other than the fact that I loved it and I'd never seen anything like it (my hometown wasn't very diverse). I recall the guys singing songs that were half English and half Spanish to help broaden little American kids' minds each week.

Once the segments stopped airing, I kept up with the band via Bop, 16 and Tiger Beat. I'd never listened to their music, but they were certainly easy on the eyes, which landed them prime wall space in my bedroom, next to Corey Haim (oh how the mighty have fallen), Kirk Cameron (or become religious fanatics) and Ricky Schroeder (or shown their asses on NYPD Blue). My favorite Menudo member, by far was Sergio Gonzalez. He's the one with the kick-ass suspenders and mullet on the left:

BTW - could Ricky Martin look any weirder?? He looks like a creppy little boy-man (and whose that little tater tot at the bottom?).

Anyway, Sergio was totally my fantasy boyfriend. When we practiced kissing on our pillows at slumber parties, mine was always Sergio (he didn't use much tongue). I thought he was fine...and he only got better (look at that hair! And the rolled sleeves! And the plastic Madonna bracelets!):
My Menudo phase eventually ended and Sergio was replaced by my new infatuation -Donnie from New Kids on the Block. But I looked ol' Serg up the other day and I must say...I was impressed. He might've grown up (and changed his last name to Blass), but he is still pretty fine**.

I might have to make some room on my bedroom wall....


Today's title selection: I have no idea...but I do remember Menudo singing this song while teaching us how to say various body parts in Espanol.


**If you view more pics here...just look past the speedo photo. I'm pretending I didn't see that and you should do the same.

Flashback Friday: Dave Navarro's goatee fuckin' sucks...

Remember when Dave Navarro was cool? And in a good band? And a guy?

What happened?


Today's title selection: Dave Navarro's Goatee Sucks - Dangerous Dave/The Bugs

Flashback Friday: Goin' the the Chapel

I am about to head out of town for another wedding (I know, I know...I should get paid for this shit) and I have a bachelorette party back here tomorrow night (which will be fun because my friend Sugar is laid back and doesn't want penis veils and crap like that). Since I've spent all day doing my actual job (they pay me, so they like for me to work once in a while), I wasn't able to get to today's post, which sucks because I love my Flashback Fridays (and I know you totally do, too).

So, I'm giving you all an assignment. In honor of FF, below is what I'd like for you to do today. You can choose any one of the items below, or you can get a little crazy and do them all. Just report back to me what you did and how it went (I'm going to make y'all comment if it KILLS me!).

1. Watch The Wedding Singer and remember how cool it was to wear a guy's Van Halen/Motley Crue/Metallica t-shirt. If all your guy had was Poison, please accept my condolences.
2. Tight roll your jeans, put on a hyper-color t-shirt and throw together a side ponytail. If you don't still have your hyper-color shirt, put on a colored one and sweat. Same effect.
3. Watch an old-school 80s video on YouTube. A few ideas: Sister Christian by Night Ranger, Africa by ToTo, Puttin' on the Ritz by Taco. If you're "dressed up like a million dollar trooper" while doing this, you get bonus points! (And a big "SUPER DUPER!")
4. Go to amazon.com and read the descriptions of your favorite Beverly Cleary/Judy Blume/other YA authored books. If you were really into YA books (especially Sweet Valley god-this-would-be-better-if-I-were High), check out this site, which is genius.
5. Make a prank call. You might want to try an infomerical number as to not annoy someone you really know. I've found this is espeically fun late at night after cocktails. (FYI, according to the sales rep, the CriCut scrapbooking thing CAN be used by a tattoo artist to create new and exciting body art. I told him I had to justify the astronomical cost to my inker-hubby.)
6. Reader's Choice!

Have a great weekend, y'all! (God...I totally feel like Britney Spears when I say y'all now. Bitch!)

Today's title selection: Goin' to the Chapel -The Dixie Cups

Flashback Friday: Someone's crying, lord, kumbaya

Today's flashback was inspired by this article over at Jezebel. I spent about 30 minutes last night (pre-Lost season finale) reading the mostly-hilarious, sometimes cringe-inducing comments about readers' experiences at summer camp when they were kids.

I always wanted to go to camp...whether it was Camp La Jolla, a fat camp I read about in Teen magazine (check out the homepage...I like how the happy campers are posing with their boogie boards covering themselves...guess they weren't teaching body acceptance that summer) or one of those cool summer-long, color war/panty raid/first kiss camps a la Poison Ivy (with Jason Bateman and Nancy McKeon...not Drew Barrymore's Lolita send-up of the early 90s).

Anyway, it just wasn't in the cards for me. Actually, it'd be more accurate to say the cash just wasn't in my family's bank account. Even back then it seems like it was like $1000 or so and that's a hell of a lot of coin to shell out just to get a few child-free weeks. Plus, they would've undoubtedly had to buy me all new clothes after I shed tons of weight from eating lettuce and paddling canoes all summer.

The only semi-real camp like experience I had was in Jr. High. Some friends and I went to Jerry Jobe Basketball Camp in Duncan, Oklahoma one year. It was a camp in the sense that we stayed there 4 nights or so. However, instead of bunks we slept in a hotel (or more likely motel...I can't recall). And, being a basketball camp and all, we just played and did drills all day which totally sucked. I faked a sprained ankle on, like, the second morning because I was so over it.

Then there was Vacation Bible School and let me tell ya...I hit 'em all. Growing up Catholic, we didn't do VBS like the other churches in town. I don't remember a lot about my days as a Catholic, but I do know nobody ever carried a Bible to church...let alone had one in a personalized carrying case with their favorite verses highlighted ten ways to Sunday. But when summer hit, I went to the Methodist camp (where I memorized the books of the Bible), the Episcopalian version (where they taught us to sing You Light Up My Life in sign language) and the Baptist one (where I learned to judge others).

But never having had a "real" camp experience, I never got to short-sheet the beds in the boys' cabin, have a "camp crush" or make lanyards for everyone on my block. But I also didn't have to deal with the teasing, the bitchiness and the trauma that I heard about from the readers over at Jezebel. Well...except for from the Baptists.


Today's title selection: Kumbaya - the Peter, Paul and Mary version

Flashback Friday: Fire up the tilt-a-whirl...

This week we're flashing back to that special time that happens once or twice a year in small towns all across our great nation. One day you drive by the Wal-Mart parking lot and it's full of Chevy pick-ups and the next...it's transformed into a wonderland of faded metal, flickering lights and loud 80s metal.

That's right kids...the carnival is in town. (Cue AC/DC Back in Black)

When you're a jr. high-er in a small town that doesn't have a movie theater or a McDonald's let alone a mall, the carnival coming to town is big deal. Plus, you're old enough to be on your own (sweet freedom!) and it's not hard to find somebody to drop you off (as opposed to trying to get your friend's mom to drive 30 minutes to the next town over).

Aside from proximity, there are three things that made the carnival so appealing:

The Rides
Whether your tastes leaned toward the Zipper and the Gravitron or the more tame Tilt-a-Whirl and Ferris Wheel, there was something for everyone at the carnival. Well, everyone except the people who were concerned about the safety of the rusted out rides that were put up in 3 hours by men of questionable sobriety and dental hygiene.


The Games
Pop 3 balloons and win a Metallica, RATT or Iron Maiden mirror! Hell...stick around an collect all three! (I actually know people who think these are acceptable home decor items. OK, full disclosure: I am related to them.) Or try your hand at the impossible task of throwing a softball into a rigged jug or knocking down "milk bottles" with a ball. Don't worry if you don't win, you'll still get a prize just for playing:


OK. I know we grew up in a much simpler time (Pac-Man didn't shoot up the ghosts then gobble over to Ms. Pac-Man's house for a post-murderous rampage blow job), but still. In what alternate universe is it acceptable to give kids drug paraphernalia?? As a prize?!? These days, do you get a crack pipe for beating the high score in Whack-a-Mole??

The People
Perhaps the best part of the carnival is the carnie. Bud Light should totally make a "Real Men of Genius" commercial about them. But since they won't, I will:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(Real men of Genius)

Today we salute you. Mr. Carnival Ride Operator Man
(Mr. Carnival Ride Operator Man)
You can set up the Spider in 7 minutes flat. Drunk. And you may not have a high school degree, but every day hundreds of parents entrust you with the lives of their children.

(Buckle ‘em up real tight!)

Sure, that’s a lot to handle. But, hey, it’s worth it to live the life you do. You’re a nomad…traveling from city to city…a different set of high school girls in every town.

(JAILBAIT! WATCH OUT!)

Whether you’re assigned to the House of Mirrors or the Scrambler, you know that when the sun goes down and the Def Leppard comes up, you’ll be right there in the middle of it all. With a Marlboro Red dangling from you lips.

(Don’t forget to ash!)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Three-Tickets-to Ride, 'cause we all know that despite the stench of grease and BO that follows you around like a groupie at a Poison concert...
YOU'RE the true King of the Midway.

(Mr. Carnival Ride Operator Man)

(Photo courtesy of Howard Dion)

Today's title selection: Welcome to the Tilt-A-Whirl - Insane Clown Posse

Flashback Friday: Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile)…

Obviously I love television. This isn’t new. In fact, being an only child, most of my formative years were spent either reading or watching TV (until I got my Commodore 64 and decided I wanted to be a “computer programmer” – but that’s another post for another day).

Here are a few of the shows I loved, and the moments from each that totally make me smile when I dig into the mental archive to retrieve them.

So sit back, relax, grab some Poprocks and a Shasta and enjoy this week’s Flashback…

It’s Your Move: The episode with the Dregs of Humanity was by far the highlight of this short-lived series. For years I got this confused with the Grateful Dead's Touch of Grey video. Click here to see why.

The Cosby Show: Denise gets into a wreck and it just happens to be with Stevie Wonder (obviously not driving himself…otherwise a car accident with him wouldn’t be that peculiar). Rather than sue, the family is content with hanging with Stevie and jammin’ on the one..jam-jammin’ on the one. Lindsay Lohan: take

Double Trouble: Like the Wakefield twins of Sweet Valley, these twins were complete opposites and likely “a perfect size six” I’m sure. I don’t recall a particular episode, but I loved this show.

Saved by the Bell: Jessi is stressed, so she takes caffeine pills, gets “so excited”…and crashes. You’d think being in California and all that there’d be some coke available. I guess she was hanging out with truck drivers instead of party girls.

Family Ties: Alex P. Keaton takes drugs and puts some serious mileage on his office chair spinning and wheeling back and forth across the room. Bonus guest appearance: Alcoholic uncle Tom Hanks, pre-Forrest Gump.

Who’s the Boss: Horror of horrors…Samantha Micelli brings her lunch to school AND THE POPULAR GIRLS FIND OUT!!! Although she was mortified, what bothered me personally was the fact that the lunch – a ginormous submarine sandwich – was housed in a thermos.

Silver Spoons: Some girl breaks up with the Ricker (despite the fact that he is wearing a super cool digital watch with calculator). Tragic. Cue: Broken Wings by Mister Mister. Even more tragic.

Throb: Paul Walker before he got all Fast and Furious on us. Although I watched this show primarily for him and to see Blu (Jane Leeves)’s kick ass, totally 80s outfits, I do recall an episode with the cute doctor from E/R (another 80s comedy I watched) as a greasy lounge-singer type. Yes, George Clooney…I’m talking to you.

Facts of Life: Edna’s Edibles (which is kind of like a bakery and Coach House Gifts hybrid) burns to the ground. Too bad Snake and/or Cousin Geri weren’t there to save it.

Different Strokes: Total toss up between Nancy Regan telling Arnold’s 4^th-ish grade class (!) to “Just Say No” and the one where the guy from WKRP in Cincinnati gets all creepy on Dudley in the back of the bike shop. (Fun fact: Remember the Universal Studios episode? SuperHusband was a keystone cop when he went as a kid – just like that annoying fucker Sam!)

Your turn…Small Wonder, Out of this World…Gimme a Break…tell me about your Must See TV!

Flashback Friday: Can you tell me how to get...how to get to Sesame Street?

Back when I looked like this:

Me and the Letter People...circa 1980

I loved, loved, loved this:

So, imagine my excitement when I came across the Top 50 Sesame Street Moments (with video!). Check it out...you'll be amazed at how many of these you remember. And don't be surprised if you tear up a little watching the clip explaining Mr. Hooper's death. I did.

Flashback Friday: I get whiskey bent and hell bound…

But it wasn’t always that simple.

It took me a long time to become the “whiskey and water” girl you all know and love. In fact, I spent the first 5 of so of my drinking years (which all occurred before I was legally permitted to imbibe, by the way), experimenting with a range of really, really bad shit. Granted, it wasn’t always by choice…when you’re 16 and it’s Friday night, you take what you can get. But I do recall loving a few of these god-awful drinks.

1. I grew up in a small town and, while I didn’t personally live on a farm, I did tend to visit this one pretty often:

2. I can’t tell you how many Camp Beverly Hills and Swatch shirts were ruined by the purple stains thanks to this grape mess:

3. If you’ve ever eaten red hots, while chewing cinnamon gum and drinking a Big Red, you’re familiar with this one. We liked to pair it with a Route 44 Sonic Sprite – we were classy like that:

4. The drink of choice for alcoholic bums and high schoolers who could get wasted on less than $5. Bonus: fits nicely in a brown paper bag.

5. When you’re looking for a smooth malt liquor with a little something extra, reach for the big mouth. Granted, it doesn’t have the street cred of, say, Colt 45 or OE 800 (“8-ball”), but it does have the famous jar-lid rebus that is pretty ingenious. Were they catering to the more educated malt liquor drinker? Or was the marketing director a former puzzle maker for Highlights for Children? Either way, everybody wins on this one.

I hope this pub crawl down memory lane has you ready to take on the weekend. As my good friend Blondie would say, “Everybody drink two!”

Cheers!

Flashback Friday: Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory…

Because I neglected to post Flashback Friday last week, I’m making you all a mix-tape to repent for my slight and ask for your forgiveness.

I kind of miss the mix-tape. What do kids do these days? I’m sure the mix CD is passé…an iTunes playlist, maybe? Whatever it is…the “click and drag” is a lot damn easier than what we went through. Sure, it isn’t walking to school 4 miles in the snow like our parents…but still…

Mix-tapes were a lot of work.

Especially if you were like me and didn’t have a dual deck tape player. This meant you had to call the radio station, request the song, wait for it to come on, hold your tape player up to the radio and record it. There were numerous false starts, rewinding and starting over (you didn’t want to miss the opening notes of Kharma Chameleon, did you?). It was a chore…but the end result was worth it. And if you were on the receiving end of one of these babies…well you knew you were special. Just like you, gentle readers. You are special (most of you in a good way). That’s why I took the time, not only to compile a few memorable songs, but to also tell you why they have a special place in my heart.

1. Borderline – Madonna
One of the first 45s (remember those, kids?) I ever bought.

2. Wild Boys – Duran Duran
The theme to Birthday Slumber Party ’84 (15 squealing girls + late-night dance contests + 2am ghost stories + too much caffeine = last giant sleepover).

3. Girl Fight Tonight – Julie Brown (The comedian. No, I’m not kidding.)

Many a jr. high dance routine was choreographed to this catchy little number. If you’ve never heard it, you must check it out. That’s an order (if for nothing else than JB's amazingly 80s earrings).

4. Believe It or Not - Joey Scarbury
I loved the Greatest American Hero and I loved the theme song even more. One of my claims to fame is that I can sing the lesser-known second verse (I was known to do this in college. A lot.). Interestingly enough, on a school-scouting trip my senior year of high school our hotel room got Skinemax and we saw a soft-core porn with William Katt in it. Not great (nor heroic for that matter).

5. I’ve Got A Crush on You – The Jets
They sang this on Dance Party USA, which was by far one of the highlights of the 80s…I SO wanted to be on that show! Attention DPUSA producers: I have my AquaNet ready if you’re planning a comeback!

6. You’re Makin’ My Dreams Come True – Hall & Oates
The all-time, number one, best roller-skating song ever. Not for couples’ skate. Regular, fast, balls-out skating only.

7. Take on Me – A-ha
No list of 80s songs would be complete without this one. It’s by far one of the most memorable MTV videos of my youth. Speaking of which…remember when MTV played videos? A friend and I got into a fight in 6^th grade because she said I didn’t really like her and was using her for her MTV. She was right.

8. I Wanna New Drug – Huey Lewis and the News
I didn’t love this song, but it is burned into my memory because I thought it was SO scandalous that he wanted drugs (this was after Nancy Regan taught us to “Just Say No” to drugs without making the distinction that some drugs (i.e. prescription, a little weed or a Valium on a bad day) are ok).

9. Naughty Girls Need Love Too – Samantha Fox
The song epitomized bubblegum pop in the 80s. I loved it…and I loved Samantha (who should not be confused with the porn star of the same name). She was everything I wasn’t – short, blonde, giant boobs, in a Commodore 64 video game. British. God, I wanted to be her. The singer. Not the porn star.

10. Up Where We Belong – Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes
In 1982, every little girl with feathered hair wearing a Laura Ingalls-style dress wanted this song at her wedding. I was one of ‘em.

Bonus track: Black Velvet - Alannah Myles
True story – the first alcoholic beverage I ever drank was Black Velvet (stolen from my friend’s dad’s “liquor cabinet” – i.e. under the kitchen sink). It’s a whisky that is almost as bad as the fat girl who sings this song at Karaoke. You know the one.

So there you have it. I hope that you'll accept my apology and give me back all those friendship pins you made me return after last week.

LYLAS,
Ro

Flashback Friday: Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round

Back before the whole “obesity epidemic” thing hit, there used to only be one fat kid in each grade. And when I was growing up…that kid was me.

Every year we had to go to the nurse’s office for our annual height/weight/head lice check. This was always the most humiliating day of elementary school. Especially in third grade when I stepped on the scale and the skinny little nurse looked at me with disdain (I was not imagining this) and yelled out “137!” I’m sure that after full day of hearing numbers like “65” and “70” the assistant must’ve thought she misheard Nurse Ratched. Sadly, she did not.

So began my lifelong quest to slim down. I don’t really remember dieting until much later, but I did try to exercise (Jane Fonda, Calenetics, etc.). I was already playing tons of sports (poorly…but I was playing them). Then I happened across a product that gave a glimmer of hope to me, and other pre-pubescent fatties everywhere: the Get in Shape Girl workout.

Oh how I loved my rhythmic gymnastics set (never mind the fact that I couldn’t even – and still can’t – do a cartwheel). I spent hours upon hours in the front yard, dressed a red leotard and white tights with grass stains on the feet (hey, I might’ve been chunky, but I had pretty high self-esteem), entertaining the neighbors with my routine to Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go. I could whip that pink ribbon around like nobody’s business!

I had two sets of Get in Shape Girl products – the ribbon one, as well as the super-cool leg warmers, headband and 1-poundish weight set. I didn’t do much with the weights, but I loved the headband and legwarmers. They often complimented my leotard and tights (and sometimes my school-day attire).

Unfortunately, as much as I did my routines, I never got in shape. I think it was the fried Texas Toast slathered in butter and other such delicacies I ate on a regular basis. Maybe if they would’ve had a “Don’t Eat Like Pig, Girl” set I would’ve. But I did have fun.

That said, I'm happy to report I'm no longer the fattest kid in class. I do, however, still dance in my front yard to the sweet, sweet sounds of George and Andrew on a pretty regular basis.

Flashback Friday: She wanna (pearl) necklace...

OK, this post isn't really about a pearl necklace, but since I've decided to do the whole lyrics-for-post-title thing, I can't turn back now. Plus I might get some blog hits from pervs searching for free porn. A hit's a hit, right?

So let's flashback about 20 years or so. It's Friday and that means only one thing - trying to con someone's parent into taking us to the next town over to go to the movies, to the mall or to Michael's. Yes, Michael's the craft store. It was a prime destination for us back then because, in addition to awesome paint pens and puff paint (this was the 80s after all...), it was also the only place in town to buy these things:


Hideous, right? But, back then, they looked so cute with stirrup pants and oversize sweaters. Plus the bells let everyone know you were coming (and I'm sure annoyed parents/teachers/anyone over 14 to no end). Of course if you were planning to sneak out of the house, this was not a good accessory choice.

Anyway, I had so many of those damn charms - and was always on the hunt for more. There was even a toilet (with functioning lid!). I think I told myself if I had enough of them, Donnie from New Kids on the Block would totally love me. That didn't happen (thank GOD). I, did however, certainly look cute wearing it while playing Ms. Pac-Man at Aladdin's Castle.