How I Didn't Get Shot Today

At around 1ish today I was starving and stressed, so I went to McDonald's for a Southwest Salad with grilled chicken (Which, for the record, is pretty fucking tasty.).

As is usually the case at a fast food restaurant in Texas during the middle of the day, there was a long-ass line. I was the 4th car in and, while I was waiting, 3 others lined up behind me.

The hold up was thanks to a HUGE woman in a mini-van (of course!) staring at the preview menu (You know, the one you get to before you pull up to the real one where you actually order). She would not drive up to the regular menu. I swear she sat there for 5 minutes while at least four of us honked our asses off at her! I wanted to walk up to her fucking window and say, "From the looks of you, this isn't your first fucking time at the Golden Arches. Make a decision, drive up and order your gotdamn food, bitch!"

But I didn't. I took a Xanax instead.

Yet another (former) celebrity hoards in on my sleep time

Y’all might remember that I'm no stranger to celebrity sex dreams. (You might also want to thank me for giving you a year or so of free time to catch up on reality shows, do laundry, have babies or whatever else you people have been up to since I’ve been on hiatus.)

Well, it happened again. Last night I had another...um..."romantic dream" about a celebrity. This time it was Ray Krebbs.

If you’re under 30 or didn't travel to Japan in the late 80s/early 90s, you probably have no idea who Ray Krebbs is, so I’ll give you a little primer.

Once upon a time, the most awesome television show ever was filmed right here in my very own city. It was called DALLAS and it was greatness. Ray Krebbs was the product of a scandalous affair between oilman and family patriarch Jock Ewing and some nurse he banged during World War II. (That would be the actual war, by the way, not another Ewing-Barnes feud.) Anyway, Ray’s mom died and sent him to live and work at Southfork, where no one knew he was actually an heir to the Ewing fortune - especially not cousin Lucy, who had a torrid (and literal) romp in the hay with him in the DALLAS mini-series that started it all.

Anyway...Ray made an appearance in DreamLand last night. I don't remember the context of the dream like how we met or anything. The main detail I recall is that he smelled like oil (which, I just realized as I was typing this, is pretty ironic). And I've literally had the smell of oil in my head all day.

I have a few suspicions about where this dream came from. After some careful thought, I've narrowed it down these possibilities:

A. On Saturday a friend mentioned that he (yes, he!) owns the DALLAS board game. This led to a pretty long conversation during which we tried to one-up each other with our random DALLAS knowledge ("Remember when Pam worked at The Store?" "What about when Sue Ellen went to live at the Southern Cross Ranch with Dusty Farlow?). Clearly my friends are just as cool as I am.

B. I was reading Lucky magazine before bed last night. Apparently the plaid shirt trend is here to stay.

C. I really, really need to get the oil changed in my car (and the inspection sticker updated...and gas...and clean it. As you can tell I haven't improved my lazy/procrastination since we last hung out on a regular basis).

D. All of the above?

What do you think?

Oh, and for the record, my dream Ray Krebbs was DALLAS-era Ray Krebbs, not present-day Ray Krebbs, who I can imagine looks quite different than the chest-baring hunk pictured above (but is still probably a little oily).

SuperHusband's Quote of the Day

Ro: Have you seen the broom?

SH: Why? Do you have to go somewhere?

Ro - Cupcake Maker to the Stars....

Or at least the star of our family....my super-cute nephew DoodleBug who just turned four last month! DoodleBug had a Yo Gabba Gabba-themed party for his school friends, so I offered to make cupcakes. (Somehow I decided that my month-long obsession with cake decorating in 1985 prepared me for this task.)

I'd never used fondant before and was frankly a little afraid of it (the hack who made my wedding cake* refused to use fondant because it "tastes so nasty."). However, there was no reason to fear the fondant. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to use and it really didn't taste all that bad (although I definitely prefer my buttercream icing).

The cupcakes turned out pretty darn good, if I might say so myself:

And had I not made them, I wouldn't of heard the comment of the day at the party, courtesy of one of the moms:

My favorite character is the pink one. What's her name? Fupa?

*Unlike most brides, I didn't get to select the baker who did our cake. Our reception was at venue that required us to use their vendor, a lovely piece of work who, within the first 5 minutes of our converation used the word "colored." As a noun.

Huh?!?

Now I'm not going to take this personally or anything (ahem), but I find it pretty interesting that my blog is getting more hits than ever these days. Especially since I haven't written with any regularity in a LONG time.

I checked the stats today and have about 2 times more hits daily than I did when I was entertaining you people EVERY DAMN DAY. Seriously.

At first I thought I was right all along - that slothiness is next to godliness and all that. But, alas, I was mistaken. It was the batshit crazy pageant moms.

It's ALWAYS the pageant moms.

Craigslist Post of the Day

Lawn Chairs (Dallas)

---

Date: 2009-07-29, 10:10AM CDT
Reply to: XXX

---

4 broken lawn chairs. My fat assed in-laws came over last weekend, sat on 'em and broke 'em. They are repairable but i don't have the time.

PostingID: 1294995693

Toddlers & Tiaras...or "How to Screw Up Your Kids in One Pageant or Less"

So who’s watching the new season of Toddlers & Tiaras?

For the uninitiated, Toddlers and Tiaras follows around a small group of children who are set to compete in an upcoming beauty pageant as they practice (usually against their will), select outfits (the average “glitz” dress is $2,000!), get spray-tanned, practice “talent” (dancing age-inappropriately is a favorite) and so on.

I watched this reality show’s inaugural season last year for a few reasons.

1. I'm from Texas, so I have a natural tendency to be interested in pageants of all sorts (well, except the Hooters and Hawaiian Tropic varieties)
2. Over-the-top personalities always make for good reality TV (and most pageant moms and dads are pretty over-the-top)
3. Plus, I enjoy judging mothers who subject their children to the pageant system.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll tell you that I was once in a kiddie pageant. Aside from not winning a thing, what I remember most is that one of the other contestants continuously taunted me by saying I was “a boy with long hair.” (That was way before I discovered that long-haired boys were pretty cool.) So, not only did I walk away a “loser,” my self-esteem was further shot to hell thanks to that mean girl’s comments (Yes Missy Greenway, I still remember.)

But anyway…

Season 1 of T&T was pretty entertaining, so I was marginally excited to see it back on the line-up. I TiVoed it and last night was ready for a light-hearted, mildly disturbing (in a good way) look at kiddie pageants (and the mothers who live vicariously through their children who enter them). Instead, I was left feeling very disturbed (in a bad way), kinda sad and ready to adopt AshLynn, one of the precious little contestants. (This from a gal who is happily child-free and plans to stay that way.)

I won’t go through the episode blow-by-blow (I can’t stomach watching it again), but here are a few of my observations about the major players:


Annette Hill, Director (and emcee) of the Universal Royalty Beauty Pageant
If you watched last year, you may remember Annette. This season, she’s much more animated and it’s painfully obvious she’s been hard at work perfecting her sound bites since last season. To her credit, she’s wayyyy less creepy than Michael Galanes, emcee of the “Little Miss Perfect Pageant” another cringe-worthy “reality” "pageant" show.


Eden Wood, Age 4
OK. I could just eat her up. She is a doll, despite her “diva” moments (what the rest of the world calls tantrums). During the pageant, however, she really creeped me out. Here she was, in full-on diva mode, but when her foot hit the stage she was immediately transformed into a Stepford child who was engineered to win pageants. Don’t get me wrong, she was good, but it’s a little eerie watching a child “turn it on” like that so quickly and easily. I can’t even flip the switch that quickly and I’ve had a lot longer to practice.


Cameron & Kevin ages 7 and 2 weeks respectively (yes, 2 weeks…that’s not a typo)
Mom Michelle Treder is excited about Kevin’s first pageant and speculates that he may be the youngest child in the pageant (ya think?!).

Brother Cameron’s a cute kid, but I’m just not all about boys in pageants.

I'm bored.

BreAnne & AshLynn Sterling, age 6
Fraternal twins BreAnne and AshLynn compete against each other, although mom Jamie is quick to tell us BreAnn usually comes out on top (this is because AshLynn is “really skinny and a little bit larger-nosed than BreAnne.” – mom’s words…not mine). From the onset, it’s painfully obvious BreAnne is the favored daughter and AshLynne is the Cinderella of the Sterling family.

Not only does mom Jamie light up when she mentions BreAnne (a marked contrast to her countenance when discussing AshLynn) in the first 2-minute segment alone she shared these observations:

“BreAnne does look a lot like Mommy and is probably the prettiest out of the five [children]” (Did I mention mommy looks a lot like the bug-eyed runaway bride from a few years ago?)

“BreAnne stands out because she is outgoing, fun and full of life. And AshLynn is just AshLynn.”

“AshLynn usually wins princess, but BreAnne usually gets Queen.”

Sweet little AshLynn’s dress is ripped and she begins to cry after mom tells her she’s going to get points taken off. When she asks about wearing something else, Jamie tells her she has another dress coming, but that she’s pretty sure it will fit BreAnne (if you haven’t figured it out…BreAnne is the number one priority around the Sterling house as far as mom is concerned). But mom promised to sew the dress before the pageant. Obvious spoiler: She doesn’t.

The entire hour is one example after another Jamie puting BreAnne first. I’m sure Jamie will be interviewed on some web site saying it was the editing, but I don’t buy it. Even watching the girls interact with one another you can tell they aren’t close like sisters of that age should be, let alone twins. I’m sure this spirit of competition Jamie encourages, coupled with her blatant favoritism of one twin over the other has diminished any chance these girls have of ever forming a bond.

My hero of the episode is Jamie’s husband, the girls’ dad. I won’t ruin it, but I’ll tell you that this man is a saint. Not only does he put up with Jamie, he also seems like a good father who has his head on straight.

Of course, any feelings of hope I was starting to have for these girls is gone after watching their final clip:

BriAnne: I winned [sic].

AshLynn: You did not win.

BriAnne: I was the runner-up in our age group.

AshLynn: You don’t know, you were asleep.

BriAnne: Yes, mommy told me.

AshLynn: I win.

BriAnne: No me, me. Ask Mommy.


No, AshLynn. Don’t.

Flashback Friday: Elementary School Writing Assignment

One of SuperHusband's co-workers is married to a third grade teacher. Below is a story submitted by one of her students.

For the record, I eat at least a cup of carrots every day and can put my legs straight up, too. Guess that's why SuperHusband hasn't asked for a new hore of his own lately...

21 Ways to Be Tough, Yet Feminine

Below is an article put together by my very own roller derby league (and picked up by our local CBS affiliate, as well as lots of other media). I am so proud to be part of such an amazing group of women! And I think the recommendations below should be required reading for all young women...and probably some of us older ones, too.

Your very own Ro offers her sage advice on #10.

21 Ways to Be Tough, Yet Feminine
Assassination City Roller Derby

1. Always select your make-up carefully. Waterproof does not always mean sweat-proof.
~ Massey Graves, #999

2. Remember that pretty comes in all sizes. No matter what your size or shape, you're attractive. "Learn to strut your stuff and hold your head high even on a bad day. (A derby girl would go with glitter eye shadow and torn fishnets to gussy up, but you may want to go another route for a day at the office!)"
~ Margaret Speed, #23

3. Don't doubt yourself. "Subtle confidence makes you feel more beautiful than any lipstick or dress ever could."
~ Pyro Maim Ya, #10/70

4. Create an alter-ego. When the going gets tough, let the "Super You" take over. "When I am having a particularly tough time, and Shandra can't possibly handle the situation, 'Trigger Mortis' steps in and helps push me through any obstacle that comes my way, on or off the rink."
~ Trigger Mortis, #XX

5. Sound off with a smile. "Always let your opinion be heard, but make sure to charm 'em first!" ~ Margaret Speed, #23

6. Be Aggressive. B-E-AGGRESSIVE. "You want something? Go get it. Don't worry about whether or not you're going to come off as too forward or too brash. Aggressive can be sexy at times, and at other times, well, at least you'll never wonder 'what if?''"
~ Gloria V., #7 Million

7. Treat yourself. "After a particularly tough day, unwind with a bath, a good book and a cocktail. Even the toughest of roller derby girls need to pamper themselves sometimes."
~ Trigger Mortis, #XX

8. Find an outlet to plug into. Women have busy lives with lots of responsibilities to cope with. Find a way to channel your frustrations into a positive outlet. "When the office closes down, I change from being a self-employed, hard-working recruiter, mother-of-four and a devoted wife into a hard-hitting roller derby athlete."
~ Barbie M., #1959

9. Celebrate your imperfections. "Derby girls don't hide their scars... They embrace them as part of what makes them beautiful." Plus, they're great conversation starters.
~ Pyro Maim Ya, #10/70

10. Learn to take a compliment. "When someone makes a flattering remark about your hair, outfit or new tattoo, smile sweetly and say, "Thank you." And trust us, if someone tells you that you hit like a girl… it's a compliment."
~ Alex P. Beatin', #Channel 3

11. Don't be afraid to say no. "We, as women, constantly take on too many tasks for fear of seeming weak--or worse--letting someone down. Remember, if you don't have time, or just don't feel comfortable doing it, be firm... It's always ok to say no."
~ Gloria V., #7 Million

12. Break the mold. Just because you choose to do something that is considered unconventional for a woman, like a rough contact sport, doesn't mean you have to be labeled a "tomboy." "Because I play roller derby and am rough on the rink, people automatically assume that in my everyday life I am mean, spit on the sidewalk, and am always looking for a fight. Quite the contrary. You shouldn't be shocked to know that I love my Fendi perfume, and I'm a sucker for a hug from my kids."
~ Claire Voyant, #1-900

13. Get a life. Even the happiest of couples need some personal space and a little healthy time away from each other. "Whether it be roller derby or a book club, find your own hobby. Keep your autonomy--don't mark yourself as merely half of a couple. Even if you're married, you still need to retain your individuality. There's nothing sexier than a woman who's got it going on--on her own."
~ Mojo Jojo, Referee

14. Don't hold a grudge. Everyone trades licks sometimes. It's how you recover from a disagreement that counts. Conduct yourself with grace and dignity in all aspects of your life--at work, home or play. "In our sport, the women who trade bruises on the rink still toast each other after. The same should be for the boardroom, office and beyond."
~ Mary-Ate Ashley, #-1

15. Be a hero. "Atypical, non-conformist adult women everyday are influencing the next generation of women-to-be. Think about how you present yourself in your everyday life and be a role model for future women. Remember that they look up to you and are using you as a benchmark for how they conduct themselves. You have the power to shape the women of tomorrow."
~ Trigger Mortis, #XX

16. Use gossip as gas. "Let's face it, women can be a little catty at times, especially when we are in competition with each other. Don't let jealous hyper-judgments derail you. Spin it positive, and use it as motivation and fuel to move toward your goal. You can graciously shake the talkers' hands and tell them, 'Thank you for all you've done' after you've won the game."
~ Xanadoom, #1980

17. Never give up. "Real women fight to the finish. Don't let frustration stand in your way. Roadblocks are only temporary, and if you fall 50 times, get back up 51 times. Nothing feels as good to achieve if it wasn't worked hard for."
~ Fresh Meat Nicole

18. Be selfish once in a while. "Women are often expected to think of others first or put others before us. Sometimes, you have to put YOU first. Focus on your personal goals and what you want to achieve. A woman who knows where she's going doesn't have to stop and ask for directions."
~ Miley Virus, #28 Days Later

19. Get a support system. And no, we don't mean just a sturdy bra. When pursuing a hobby off the beaten track, like roller derby, people are not always inclined to back something they just don't get. "Those people will love you regardless, but it's always good to surround yourself with positive, like-minded people that will cheer you on and offer advice."
~ Smack the Ripper, #5?

20. Try new things. "Go ahead. Be brave. Do something you've never done before but always wanted to. If roller derby girls never tried something new, they would never know the satisfaction of knocking someone off their skates!"
~ Gloria V., #7 Million

21. Redefine feminine. "Don't try to fit into someone else's definition of feminine. Write your own definition. For me, tough IS the new feminine."
~ Mary-Ate Ashley, #-1

Random thought of the day.

People who refer to themselves as "classy" never are.

I'm baaaaaa-ackkkkk!!!

Wow - it's been a long time, huh?

Several people have asked if I've quit blogging (no) or why I haven't written lately. It's not for lack of material (my GOD did you watch Rock of Skank Bus or Love on Location or whatever the third installment of the so-good-it's-bad Bret Michael's vehicle is? Wow.). In fact, I have started to write several posts. I just never finished them. Want to know why?

Honestly...it's because I couldn't think of song lyrics for the post title.

Seriously. How lame is that?!?

When I started this blog, I thought I was so clever w/ the whole "lyrics as post title" thing. But as time went on, I was spending more time looking for semi-appropriate lyrics to use as titles than I was actually writing the damn post. Honestly, it became a big pain in my ass.

So, my New Year's Blog-olution is this: No more song lyric titles!!!!

It already feels like a weight has been lifted! And, of course, I must thank Mama Bee, who gave me a swift (yet very sweet) kick in the ass by nominating me for a blog award on her site the other day. Of course, I only knew about the award because she posted a comment on here to let me know (thanks, little Mama!). You see...when I am not blogging, I feel too guilty to read anyone else's blogs. Weird, I know...but for some reason if I'm not contributing something of my own to the blogosphere, I don't feel right benefiting from the wit and wisdom of other blog-stresses. I've even stayed away from the blogs of HippieSister (y'all might know her as Pearl) and Margaret Speed, my super cool derby wife. For shame!

But now I've assuaged my guilt and I gotta run. I have a LOT of people's lives to catch up on...

*Obviously, I'm not getting rid of my compulsion to create and use made-up words or my abundant overuse of the ellipsis. I can't get rid of all my annoying habits at once, people!

Oh, where have you been, my darling young one?

I can't believe I haven't blogged since October 28!

Actually, I can. Y'all know I can be a serious slacker. But I think that's kinda why you like me...I make you feel better about yourself when you're thinking you might be a little lazy.. Plus I don't judge you for watching shitty reality shows. Yeah, I'm a good friend.

Anyway, I am totally sorry for my lack of posts in recent weeks. I don't have a good excuse. Yeah...my laptop is in the shop (again!), I've had some semi-traumatic dental work, a bad stomach bug, thrown another wedding shower (Yes, again. I know you can't believe it.), had tons of roller derby events and I've been busy as hell at work since our Barbados adventure. But none of those are good enough reasons for being MIA for so long.

Rest assured...I am back now and am hard at working thinking of witty and fun subjects that are sure to enlighten and entertain you.

Stay tuned...

Today's title selection: A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall - Bob Dylan

We've got to breathe and have some fun...

Barbados was amazing!!! We were just there for four days...but it went a long way in helping us recharge and get ready for the long, cold winter. OK...we don't really have long, cold winters here in Texas. But it did help us relax a little before it's time for us to break out the jeans and long-sleeve shirts (which should happen at some point in the next month or so...).

We were surprised that, as Americans, we were in the tourist minority. Most of the people we encountered were from the U.K. Thankfully, we did bring a friend with us to help up the numbers a little:

Meet Pygmy Obama. Pygmy Obama was discussed extensively on our Telluride trip this summer. Here's the short version - Precious had a dream that Obama was coming to speak at a beach-front resort in her hometown (which, in reality, is about 10 hours from any sort of beach and has never hosted a presidential candidate). She was in charge of making the preparations for his visit, but somehow forgot to put on more than a bathing suit when he arrived. So he gets there, and he was really, really short. Like "three-apples-high*-short." She swore she would never tell Obama's secret and, after his talk, he showed his appreciation by signing her autograph book "Godspeed! Love, Pygmy Obama."

Since Precious told us about the dream, we reference Pygmy Obama often. When we see a tiny door, we know it's the secret presidential entrance...an ornate colonial doghouse is his summer home...a tiny bicycle is how he gets workouts in...you get the idea. So it was only fitting that we gave Pygmy a little respite from campaigning and brought him with us on our trip.

Here he is enjoying his first drink (blue, of course!):

And playing in the sand:

Sampling the official beer of Barbados:

And hanging out with the locals:

As you can tell, he enjoyed his trip to Barbados...almost as much as we did! And I think Precious and I helped spread some Obama love along the way. Now if we could only get the Democratic National Committee to reimburse us for our vacation...

*= Do you remember what else is "three-apples-high?" Click here if you are too young to catch that reference.

Today's title selection: Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz

Edited to add: Apparently I misspoke. According to Precious' mom...their town has been visited by candidates. And I quote, "Michael Dukakis during his campaign for President and Lyndon Johnson during some campaign… However, they were both full size humans." See where Precious gets her cuteness?

Whoooh ooooh who's that guy?

I didn't really want to have back-to-back reality show blog posts. One because y'all will think all I do is sit around eating bon-bons and watching crap all day and two, because it's a little sad and pathetic (and not too far from the truth). But I caught up on the Real Housewives of Atlanta today and have been obsessed with a couple of things:

1. Apparently, Kim (the token white girl) is only 30. Seriously. I mean, she looks ok...but just seems so much older than that.
2. Who the hell is this Big Papa who is bankrolling her Newport cigarette/Escalade habit?

I've been obsessed with the Big Papa thing. There are a few theories making their way around the internets, but nothing too definitive. Considering that Kim's ex is 70...it could really be anyone. Popular theories are music producer Dallas Austin, singer/producer Polow Da Don, real estate mogul Lee Najjar, billionaire Bill Gates. Ok. Kidding about that last one.

Not that I know any of these people anyway...but I've always been a sucker for a good mystery.

Today's title selection: Who's That Guy? - the cast of Grease 2, which - in my opinion - had far better songs than Grease. However, the original was a MUCH better movie overall. Ro has spoken.

I'm diggin’ on you...you diggin' on me....we diggin' on we...

Congratulations, VH-1, for milking reality show skankage for all its worth.

As if Rock of Love and Flavor of Love weren't enough...both shows have inspired a ton of spin-offs. I Love New York (1 and 2), New York Goes to Hollywood, Charm School, Rock of Love Charm School, I Love Money, Real Chance at Love and Daisy of Love (Wow. That title is about as original as Daisy's tits.)...It's only a matter of time until they break into the cooking show genre with Camp Cookin' Rodeo Style.

And now that I think about it...we should probably call all these shows spit-offs since everybody is hooking up (and a few have even been known to actually spit on one another).

The chart at the left (click to enlarge) illustrates the hook-ups of contestants from VH-1's "Of Love" franchise (left) in comparison to sexual activity of the average American (right, bottom). OK...not really. But it might as well be.

Watching all these nasty people get it on with one another totally grosses me out. Flavor Flav is the worst. If you are watching Flavor of Love while eating (which probably isn't a good idea anyway), you'd better hope there isn't a make-out scene.

And did anyone else watch I Love Money? Is it just me, or were you totally grossed out by the house they lived in? It was disgusting and I bet it smelled like stale Newports, dirty panties and man-sweat. Blech.

Of course for some reason, the Rock of Love make-out scenes don't gross me out. Sure, they make me feel a little dirty...and maybe even a little sad for Bret, but I'll take that over Flav's Hoover-mouth any day.

I think that's why I kind of prefer the Charm School shows. Everybody is still drunk and stupid, but without all the "relationship" drama. I'm loving Rock of Love Charm School. And of course, I'm a Team Heather girl, despite her outfit in the season opener:

If you ever wondered what would happen if Dee Snyder and Fredrick's of Hollywood had a baby...now you know.

Today's title selection: Can't Stop - Babyface

Ooh what a funky lady...

Little person tranny as Sarah Palin + Dolly Parton background music =
Not just funny...but oh-my-God-funny.

Today's title selection: Dude Looks Like a Lady - Aerosmith

Bodies in the sand. A tropical drink melting in your hand...

A couple of weeks ago I was out of town for work and got a text message from Precious asking if I'd seen an e-mail she sent earlier that day. Since I am trying to avoid jumping on the BlackBerry train for as long as I can, I hadn't. And, since it takes me forever to text, I called her right away to find out what was up.

Boy am I glad I did!

Apparently when cleaning out a folder at work, Precious came across 2 American Airlines vouchers that were set to expire the next day. (Must be nice to forget about little things like free airline tickets, huh??). Since she had one day left to book something, she asked if I wanted to take a girl's trip somewhere in the Carribean or Mexico.

Uh...does the Pope wear red Prada shoes?? Oh. Hell. Yes.

SO....a week from Thursday we leave for Barbados!!! We fly into Miami Thursday, spend the night there, then head for Barbados the next morning. We found a decent all-inclusive (that was pretty cheap), so we are all set to spend four glorious days indulging in fruity drinks, hanging out on the beach and trying not to burn our white-ass selves.

Here's an interesting fact I bet you didn't know. Wearing camouflage is illegal in Barbados. Not even kidding. So, sadly, we won't be playing any games of Slamouflage...but I'm sure we can find plenty of other things to occupy our time.

Has anyone ever been there? Any recommendations?

Today's title selection: Kokomo - Beach Boys (with Uncle Jesse on drums in the one episode of Full House)

Ssss-Aaaa-Fffff-Eeee-Tttt-Yyyy. Safety Dance.

Last weekend DoodleBug had his first sleepover at Aunt Ro and Uncle SuperHusband's house! It was a huge success, despite the fact that we stuffed him with junkfood and kept him up too late (sorry, sister!). But that's what aunts and uncles are for right?

We spent the week before racking our brains to think of activities that would be fun (and appropriate) for a three-year-old, and came up pretty empty. So...we went with the obvious choice that people with no kids make - Chuck E. Cheese. Let me tell you...I now know why parents roll their eyes when the rat trap is mentioned. That place totally sucks.

When I was growing up, we had Showbiz Pizza Place and it kicked ass. I mean, the place was huge - you didn't trip over people while playing skee ball or have to wait 15 minutes for a 30 second "ride." Plus there was a show and everything (Remember the Rock-Afire Explosion??)!

Chuck E. Cheese, on the other hand, is outdated, dirty, crowded and run down. But the thing that shocked me most was what we saw in the toddler section. DoodleBug was riding the Bob the Builder tractor for the 39th time and SuperHusband pointed out something near the little slide-jungle-gym thing:

I know you can't see it really well, so here's a closer look...check out the floor underneath the school bus part at the bottom:

Yes, kids...that's an electrical socket - sans socket guards - just sitting there out in the open waiting from a kid to shove a penny or a tongue or something in it! And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Everywhere we looked there were open outlets - at kid eye-level!!!

Now I'm no expert, but even I have heard of baby-proofing and it's my understanding that keeping kids out of outlets is one of the most important things you need to do. And I would imagine that socket guards are pretty inexpensive. So what the fuck?? Nobody else seemed concerned about this. Am I just overreacting?!?

Today's title selection: Safety Dance - Men Without Hats

Flashback Friday: Gonna dress you up in my love

Only 28 more days until Halloween! Do you have your costume picked out yet?

We have a combination Halloween/Derby Recruiting Party, which gives me the perfect excuse to:

1. Wear a costume for the first time in 2 years.
2. Dress up as a "Sexy (insert...uh, anything...here)."

The whole "sexy cop" "sexy red riding hood" "sexy sheep farmer" thing has always bugged me a little bit. I've never really understood why everyone had to sex it up on Halloween (unless they were a member of Color Me Badd, of course). And until now, I'd eschewed the whole thing myself...last time I dressed up I was a Future Farmer of America, for God's sake. But this year is going to be different. And derby is my excuse.

See, a while back one of the girls introduced me to this store called Steve & Barry's. The clothing is of questionable quality, but they have lots of derby-appropriate skirts and shorts. And did I mention everything is, like, $8.88 or something?

So I bought this green skirt. I plan to pair it with fishnets (of course), white socks, black Mary Janes (or Converse if I am too lazy to find the MJs), and a white top. Add pigtails and a green sash (complete with "badges" for tequila shooting, ass kicking and beer drinking) and voila! Girl Scout Gone Bad!

The only hitch is that I have to convince SuperHusband to wear this cool Girl Scout cookie costume. But he'll do it, right?

Oh...this is supposed to be a Flashback, not a Flashforward. So do you remember those horrendous plastic costumes? I think I was Barbie once. And possibly a panda bear (the memory fades...I earned that tequila shooting badge I tell ya!). I was also a gypsy, baton twirler, baby (a couple of times), 70s chick, California Raisin and I'm sure some other things I can't remember right now.

What about you? Halloween - love it? Hate it? Costumes...past? Present?

If you need to jog your memory...check out this great site with tons of those plastic monstrosities!


Today's title selection: Dress You Up - Madonna

I saw red, my heart just spilled onto the floor

Is it just me, or is Tim Gunn looking a little...uh...ruddy (and a lot exhausted) on the last few episodes of Project Runway?

Is he tired of Kenley's total disregard for his constructive feedback? Or is he just sick of saying "Loreal Paris make up room and Tresemme hair salon" over and over?

Feel free to discuss.


Today's title selection: I Saw Red - Warrant