We've got to breathe and have some fun...

Barbados was amazing!!! We were just there for four days...but it went a long way in helping us recharge and get ready for the long, cold winter. OK...we don't really have long, cold winters here in Texas. But it did help us relax a little before it's time for us to break out the jeans and long-sleeve shirts (which should happen at some point in the next month or so...).

We were surprised that, as Americans, we were in the tourist minority. Most of the people we encountered were from the U.K. Thankfully, we did bring a friend with us to help up the numbers a little:

Meet Pygmy Obama. Pygmy Obama was discussed extensively on our Telluride trip this summer. Here's the short version - Precious had a dream that Obama was coming to speak at a beach-front resort in her hometown (which, in reality, is about 10 hours from any sort of beach and has never hosted a presidential candidate). She was in charge of making the preparations for his visit, but somehow forgot to put on more than a bathing suit when he arrived. So he gets there, and he was really, really short. Like "three-apples-high*-short." She swore she would never tell Obama's secret and, after his talk, he showed his appreciation by signing her autograph book "Godspeed! Love, Pygmy Obama."

Since Precious told us about the dream, we reference Pygmy Obama often. When we see a tiny door, we know it's the secret presidential entrance...an ornate colonial doghouse is his summer home...a tiny bicycle is how he gets workouts in...you get the idea. So it was only fitting that we gave Pygmy a little respite from campaigning and brought him with us on our trip.

Here he is enjoying his first drink (blue, of course!):

And playing in the sand:

Sampling the official beer of Barbados:

And hanging out with the locals:

As you can tell, he enjoyed his trip to Barbados...almost as much as we did! And I think Precious and I helped spread some Obama love along the way. Now if we could only get the Democratic National Committee to reimburse us for our vacation...

*= Do you remember what else is "three-apples-high?" Click here if you are too young to catch that reference.

Today's title selection: Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz

Edited to add: Apparently I misspoke. According to Precious' mom...their town has been visited by candidates. And I quote, "Michael Dukakis during his campaign for President and Lyndon Johnson during some campaign… However, they were both full size humans." See where Precious gets her cuteness?

Whoooh ooooh who's that guy?

I didn't really want to have back-to-back reality show blog posts. One because y'all will think all I do is sit around eating bon-bons and watching crap all day and two, because it's a little sad and pathetic (and not too far from the truth). But I caught up on the Real Housewives of Atlanta today and have been obsessed with a couple of things:

1. Apparently, Kim (the token white girl) is only 30. Seriously. I mean, she looks ok...but just seems so much older than that.
2. Who the hell is this Big Papa who is bankrolling her Newport cigarette/Escalade habit?

I've been obsessed with the Big Papa thing. There are a few theories making their way around the internets, but nothing too definitive. Considering that Kim's ex is 70...it could really be anyone. Popular theories are music producer Dallas Austin, singer/producer Polow Da Don, real estate mogul Lee Najjar, billionaire Bill Gates. Ok. Kidding about that last one.

Not that I know any of these people anyway...but I've always been a sucker for a good mystery.

Today's title selection: Who's That Guy? - the cast of Grease 2, which - in my opinion - had far better songs than Grease. However, the original was a MUCH better movie overall. Ro has spoken.

I'm diggin’ on you...you diggin' on me....we diggin' on we...

Congratulations, VH-1, for milking reality show skankage for all its worth.

As if Rock of Love and Flavor of Love weren't enough...both shows have inspired a ton of spin-offs. I Love New York (1 and 2), New York Goes to Hollywood, Charm School, Rock of Love Charm School, I Love Money, Real Chance at Love and Daisy of Love (Wow. That title is about as original as Daisy's tits.)...It's only a matter of time until they break into the cooking show genre with Camp Cookin' Rodeo Style.

And now that I think about it...we should probably call all these shows spit-offs since everybody is hooking up (and a few have even been known to actually spit on one another).

The chart at the left (click to enlarge) illustrates the hook-ups of contestants from VH-1's "Of Love" franchise (left) in comparison to sexual activity of the average American (right, bottom). OK...not really. But it might as well be.

Watching all these nasty people get it on with one another totally grosses me out. Flavor Flav is the worst. If you are watching Flavor of Love while eating (which probably isn't a good idea anyway), you'd better hope there isn't a make-out scene.

And did anyone else watch I Love Money? Is it just me, or were you totally grossed out by the house they lived in? It was disgusting and I bet it smelled like stale Newports, dirty panties and man-sweat. Blech.

Of course for some reason, the Rock of Love make-out scenes don't gross me out. Sure, they make me feel a little dirty...and maybe even a little sad for Bret, but I'll take that over Flav's Hoover-mouth any day.

I think that's why I kind of prefer the Charm School shows. Everybody is still drunk and stupid, but without all the "relationship" drama. I'm loving Rock of Love Charm School. And of course, I'm a Team Heather girl, despite her outfit in the season opener:

If you ever wondered what would happen if Dee Snyder and Fredrick's of Hollywood had a baby...now you know.

Today's title selection: Can't Stop - Babyface

Ooh what a funky lady...

Little person tranny as Sarah Palin + Dolly Parton background music =
Not just funny...but oh-my-God-funny.

Today's title selection: Dude Looks Like a Lady - Aerosmith

Bodies in the sand. A tropical drink melting in your hand...

A couple of weeks ago I was out of town for work and got a text message from Precious asking if I'd seen an e-mail she sent earlier that day. Since I am trying to avoid jumping on the BlackBerry train for as long as I can, I hadn't. And, since it takes me forever to text, I called her right away to find out what was up.

Boy am I glad I did!

Apparently when cleaning out a folder at work, Precious came across 2 American Airlines vouchers that were set to expire the next day. (Must be nice to forget about little things like free airline tickets, huh??). Since she had one day left to book something, she asked if I wanted to take a girl's trip somewhere in the Carribean or Mexico.

Uh...does the Pope wear red Prada shoes?? Oh. Hell. Yes.

SO....a week from Thursday we leave for Barbados!!! We fly into Miami Thursday, spend the night there, then head for Barbados the next morning. We found a decent all-inclusive (that was pretty cheap), so we are all set to spend four glorious days indulging in fruity drinks, hanging out on the beach and trying not to burn our white-ass selves.

Here's an interesting fact I bet you didn't know. Wearing camouflage is illegal in Barbados. Not even kidding. So, sadly, we won't be playing any games of Slamouflage...but I'm sure we can find plenty of other things to occupy our time.

Has anyone ever been there? Any recommendations?

Today's title selection: Kokomo - Beach Boys (with Uncle Jesse on drums in the one episode of Full House)

Ssss-Aaaa-Fffff-Eeee-Tttt-Yyyy. Safety Dance.

Last weekend DoodleBug had his first sleepover at Aunt Ro and Uncle SuperHusband's house! It was a huge success, despite the fact that we stuffed him with junkfood and kept him up too late (sorry, sister!). But that's what aunts and uncles are for right?

We spent the week before racking our brains to think of activities that would be fun (and appropriate) for a three-year-old, and came up pretty empty. So...we went with the obvious choice that people with no kids make - Chuck E. Cheese. Let me tell you...I now know why parents roll their eyes when the rat trap is mentioned. That place totally sucks.

When I was growing up, we had Showbiz Pizza Place and it kicked ass. I mean, the place was huge - you didn't trip over people while playing skee ball or have to wait 15 minutes for a 30 second "ride." Plus there was a show and everything (Remember the Rock-Afire Explosion??)!

Chuck E. Cheese, on the other hand, is outdated, dirty, crowded and run down. But the thing that shocked me most was what we saw in the toddler section. DoodleBug was riding the Bob the Builder tractor for the 39th time and SuperHusband pointed out something near the little slide-jungle-gym thing:

I know you can't see it really well, so here's a closer look...check out the floor underneath the school bus part at the bottom:

Yes, kids...that's an electrical socket - sans socket guards - just sitting there out in the open waiting from a kid to shove a penny or a tongue or something in it! And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Everywhere we looked there were open outlets - at kid eye-level!!!

Now I'm no expert, but even I have heard of baby-proofing and it's my understanding that keeping kids out of outlets is one of the most important things you need to do. And I would imagine that socket guards are pretty inexpensive. So what the fuck?? Nobody else seemed concerned about this. Am I just overreacting?!?

Today's title selection: Safety Dance - Men Without Hats

Flashback Friday: Gonna dress you up in my love

Only 28 more days until Halloween! Do you have your costume picked out yet?

We have a combination Halloween/Derby Recruiting Party, which gives me the perfect excuse to:

1. Wear a costume for the first time in 2 years.
2. Dress up as a "Sexy (insert...uh, anything...here)."

The whole "sexy cop" "sexy red riding hood" "sexy sheep farmer" thing has always bugged me a little bit. I've never really understood why everyone had to sex it up on Halloween (unless they were a member of Color Me Badd, of course). And until now, I'd eschewed the whole thing myself...last time I dressed up I was a Future Farmer of America, for God's sake. But this year is going to be different. And derby is my excuse.

See, a while back one of the girls introduced me to this store called Steve & Barry's. The clothing is of questionable quality, but they have lots of derby-appropriate skirts and shorts. And did I mention everything is, like, $8.88 or something?

So I bought this green skirt. I plan to pair it with fishnets (of course), white socks, black Mary Janes (or Converse if I am too lazy to find the MJs), and a white top. Add pigtails and a green sash (complete with "badges" for tequila shooting, ass kicking and beer drinking) and voila! Girl Scout Gone Bad!

The only hitch is that I have to convince SuperHusband to wear this cool Girl Scout cookie costume. But he'll do it, right?

Oh...this is supposed to be a Flashback, not a Flashforward. So do you remember those horrendous plastic costumes? I think I was Barbie once. And possibly a panda bear (the memory fades...I earned that tequila shooting badge I tell ya!). I was also a gypsy, baton twirler, baby (a couple of times), 70s chick, California Raisin and I'm sure some other things I can't remember right now.

What about you? Halloween - love it? Hate it? Costumes...past? Present?

If you need to jog your memory...check out this great site with tons of those plastic monstrosities!


Today's title selection: Dress You Up - Madonna

I saw red, my heart just spilled onto the floor

Is it just me, or is Tim Gunn looking a little...uh...ruddy (and a lot exhausted) on the last few episodes of Project Runway?

Is he tired of Kenley's total disregard for his constructive feedback? Or is he just sick of saying "Loreal Paris make up room and Tresemme hair salon" over and over?

Feel free to discuss.


Today's title selection: I Saw Red - Warrant

Her fans call her tuffy, but all her buddies called her spike...

I PASSED MY ROLLER DERBY ASSESSMENT!!!!

Now I just need a derby name! The catch is...it can't be the same as any other derby girl in the WORLD. There's an online database and everything!

That's where you come in...any ideas?? I have a few thoughts, but nothing I absolutely LOVE! If you read my blog, I know you are creative and smart and darling...so you're bound to have some good ones! If so, please share!!!

Oh...and I need this is the next day or two!

No pressure.

Today's title selection: Roller Derby Queen - Jim Croce