...No escape from reality

Reality television has penetrated our culture like a fat hairy guy in a 70s porno getting in on with a jungle-bushed skank. If I weren’t so lazy (and I was getting paid for sharing my random thoughts with you) I’d figure out how many hours a day are devoted to “unscripted” programming. However, since I am (indolent) and I’m not (compensated), I’ll guesstimate that it’s a hell of a lot.

So it’s not surprising that at some point reality would seep over into the fashion world. Here are my top five examples of this tragic influence:

1. Spring 2008 runway - agnès b.

Add some tights and this could be Highlander Man - a new contestant on the next season of Who Wants to be a Superhero. Giant Sword not included.

2. "Heidiwood" by that chick from The Hills

I am very proud to say that I have never watched an episode of this show. Ever. However, I did catch Age of Love, and this little number from the Heidiwood “collection” looks like something the cougars would love to slip their silicone into.

3. Floor Length Tie Gown - Donna Karan Collection

Who knew Donna Karan was a Big Brother fan? Jen made the red unitard famous last summer and Sharon donned it again this season (although I don't think Sharon enjoyed the “punishment” as much as her predecessor). Now - for a mere $2,695 - you, too, can sport the spandex. Self-centeredness optional.

4. Stripe Shorts with Suspenders - Hinge

In Amish in the City, the Amish collide with the city kids during Rumspringa. Chaos ensues. Much like the pinstriped shorts/scoop neck T, suspenders combo shown here.

5. The “Tight Sag” by Soulful Commandoe

OK. This has got to be a joke, right? Right?!? The inspiration for these was obviously taken from Flavor of Love. You’ve got the sag of Flav’s trousers, with the tightness of New York’s painted on skinny jeans. And, much like Flav and NY as a couple…this just ain't right.