Word up!

Word I love:
Espionage

Word I dislike:
Secretion

Word I like to say:
Ingenue

Word I dislike to hear people say:
Niche (I'm a "nitch" girl...and cringe when I hear "neesh")

and you?

Today's title selection: Word Up! - Cameo

And I'm hungry like the wolf...

So I bought this book a while back, Hungry Girl - Recipes and Survival Strategies for Guilt-Free Eating in the Real World. It got a respectable four-and-a-half stars from Amazon reviewers and I'd already tried the delish Lord of the Onion Rings which, despite the cheesy-ass name (and the fact that you use Fiber One cereal to coat the rings) were pretty darn good.

So I bought the book, knowing I'd probably try 4 recipes max. You see...SuperHusband and I are creatures of habit. We eat pretty much each the same 5 things every week:

1. Tofu corn dogs for me/baked chicken nuggets for SH, baked french fries or sweet potato fries
2. Spaghetti and low-fat Caesar salad
3. Baked chicken, rice, veggies (my least favorite)
4. Steamed artichoke for me/grilled pork chop for SH, veggies, salad
5. Frozen dinners and some fruit/veggies (this is our Wed. night dinner because I am usually at derby practice from 7:30-9:30)

We recently threw this vegetarian Taco Bake recipe into the mix, which is AMAZING. Even SH doesn't mind the tac-faux filling. But beyond a new recipe here and there...we don't branch out very often.

Oh...before we move on, now would be a good time to mention that, lest you think we are somewhat healthy all the time, weekends are usually a free-for-all that totally negate any "good eating" we've done throughout the week. Taquitos and fries at 2am after an evening of drinking....pizza delivery when we're too hung over to cook or go get anything...you get the idea.

Anyway...I ordered the book and it's not bad. I haven't actually tried anything yet, but any "diet" book that devotes a whole chapter to light cocktails is alright by me. Sure, the writing is pretty cheesy most of the time:

"The average cookies and cream shake packs in a ridiculous 900 calories and 55 grams of fat. How embarrassing!"

"Strawberries are the only fruit that have their seeds on the outside. Fancy!"

But I got past that. Well...until Hungry Girl totally crosses the line on page 207. That's where she recommends foods for a "jet-set snack pack." (In the interest of not violating any copyrights and such...I've paraphrased):

Something fruity - bring napkins!
Something crunchy - pre-popped low-fat popcorn
Something protein-packed - a single serving can of tuna

Yeah...you heard right. A single serving can of TUNA. On an AIRPLANE.

WTF?

Has this Hungry Girl never flown before? I don't know about you, but aside from a screaming kid, the last thing I want next to me on a 3 hour flight is some jackass eating TUNA FISH. I don't particularly want them spitting grape seeds into their tiny drink cups or crunching a bunch of popcorn in my ear either. But how on earth can anyone actually recommend smelly ass tuna as an appropriate snack for someone eating in a closed tube with recirculating air?

I am not going to give up on Hungry Girl yet...I just need to be sure I'm not seated next to her on my next flight.


Today's title selection: Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings...

If you know anything about Texas, you know that this is reality show breeding ground down here. A few names come to mind immediately:

Kelly Clarkson (American Idol winner)

Nikki McKibbon (American Idol non-winner)

Colby Donaldson (Survivor HPOA*)

Melissa Lawton (Nashville Star winner with possibly the coolest husband ever)

Trey and Kasey (Top Chef)

Steven and Jerry (Big Brother 10)

Daniel (Loved him!) and Matthew (Shear Genius)

Etc. Etc. Etc.

There are a ton of others, but I'm not motivated to research them all right now, because that's not really the point of this post.


This post is to share with you all, the Saddest. Picture. Ever.

I don't know what disturbs me more, the fact that Nancy Belew (on the far right) is a little old to be a puppet-making Jason Castro superfan...or the fact that Wanda Dewes is feeling up said puppet...or the puppet itself with that giant body and tiny little shrunken head.

Thoughts?

*HOPA=Hot Piece of Ass (Thank to Precious, the original HPOA, for that one.)

Today's title selection: Master of Puppets - Metallica

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

This is my 100th (YES 100th!) blog post!!! Can you believe it? It seems like just yesterday I was writing this open letter to my DVR then introducing myself to all of you. And by all of you I actually mean none of you because I didn't tell anyone about this thing until I had a few posts under my belt. A lot of my friends still don't know about it...because you never know when you're going to have to bitch-slap someone blog style and I want to leave all my options open.

So this being the 100th post and all...I figured I had to do something big. Then I re-thought it and decided a celebratory bottle glass of wine would be more fun (for me) than trying to come up with something dazzling and creative. But I didn't want to leave y'all hanging...so I decided to look back on what drew readers to my blog in the first place. Yeah, I know my wit and sarcasm are what keep y'all here, but for the three of you not related to me, something had to bring you over to the dark side in the first place, right?

So I went through Google Analytics (which I totally love) and rounded up a few of the craziest (and creepiest) searches for your reading pleasure:

Boy-short-my-head (huh?)

Cotton balls be flushed? (See...I'm not the only one!)

Birthday greetings for the smooth black man (sorry, only "rough black man" greetings over here.)

Stinky cheerios (I don't even want to know how that happens...)

DJ Ashba looks like a vampire (yeah...a hot one)

Local mistress looking for slave (keep lookin'...)

Pee girl (ewww...)

Seymore Butts squirters (double ewww...)

What will happen if I leave bar of soap under my pit for 30 minutes? (uh...I hope that worked out for you...)

Little boys in speedos (ok...WTF? Can you say super-fucking creepy? I almost didn't want to share that one, but I wanted y'all to feel as dirty as I do.)

I'm not sure any of the aforementioned searches yielded what the Googlers were looking for, but maybe one of them stuck around (fess up), but probably not. Still, the handful of you guys who check in on a regular basis are amazing...and make it much easier to motivate myself to write every now and then. So THANK YOU for a fabulous few months...and here's to another 100 posts!

And y'all are buying the wine next time.

ETA: OK, I looked over at the side menu and there are only 97 posts listed! Apparently I started a couple of crappy ones I never actually posted. But I have kinda written 100 and none of y'all called me out on my mistake. Plus I already drank the wine, so we'll call it good.

Today's title selection: I still haven't found what I'm looking for - U2

Don't you know I'm still standing...

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.

I've been in lovely San Diego, CA attending a conference. Since I usually have to lug a laptop with me whenever I travel for work, I jumped at the chance to leave her at home this time. Of course, that meant not being able to obsessively check MySpace, read work e-mails (and actually work) or blog. Which wasn't really such a bad thing...at first. But then I remembered that middle-aged professionals plucked out of their comfort zones and attending a conference in a new city are just blog posts waiting to happen! I could've kicked myself for leaving the laptop at home!

But since I did...you'll just have to rely on my memory. I'd like you to meet a few of the folks I've spent the last few days with. If you've ever been to a convention, you will probably recognize them.

1. Drunken Donna: No soccer practice car pool + open bar = Drunken Donna. She's the one you only see at social events (and she's so loud you can't miss her)....never at the early morning seminars and educational programming (that starts when she's still sleeping it off).

2. Dance Machine Daniel: At the big welcome party, you'll spot Daniel bouncing up and down in front of the stage as he pumps his lighted Blackberry in the air to the sounds of the cover band's rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody. By the end of the night, his oxford cloth Polo shirt might be stained, but he'll feel just like he did at the Stones' show in '78.

3. Talkative Terry: Terry has never been bored in a seminar in his life. This is probably because Terry, a self-proclaimed expert on everything, spends the entire time sharing his own stories and personal experiences. In fact, he usually spends more time talking than the actual presenter. Beware of Terry...if you're in a session with him, you will never, I repeat NEVER get out early.

4, Monitor Mary: She works with you and is attending the conference, too. Every time you run into Mary, she looks at you with a skeptical eye and asks which sessions you attended. Then she quizzes you on specifics to see if you really went. Mary is easy to spot - she ignores the "business casual" dress code and shows up daily in suit, hose and sensible heels.

5. What Not to Wear Wanda: Poor Wanda. Her pants are too short, her shirt is too tight and her hairstyle hasn't changed since 1982. In the industry I am in, there are a lot of Wandas. Seriously. Clinton and Stacy would have a field day (although they'd quickly run out of $5,000 gift cards). Note to Wandas: Just because you can button those jeans, doesn't mean you should wear 'em honey.

Needless to say, I am damn glad to be home.

Today's title selection: I'm Still Standing - Elton John

Flashback Friday: You gotta go back, back, back to school again...

Remember school picture day? What a big deal when you were a kid, right? Well...to everyone except the guy who wore the same ratty Skid Row shirt every year. You know the one.

God...I remember planning my outfits and hair weeks in advance. In fact, in third grade I even wore rollers to school and my teacher took them out right before the pictures so I'd have these long, gorgeous, black doo-doo curls. Bless you, Mrs. Rix. I know now my hair was totally heinous, but you were such a good sport and didn't laugh at me once... so much nicer than those bitches who taught pre-school.

In addition to that one, my pics over the years have featured my hair at various stages of terrible. From the long, to-my-ass straight hair parted down the middle...to the braids with feathered bangs and a fathered roach clip for good measure (sadly, I am not kidding)...to the boy-short do courtesy of my aunt (whose only hairstyling credential was owning a pair of scissors). But I think my favorite was probably my senior picture, which featured my permed,teased, sun-glitzed hair in all it's glory. Surprisingly, it all made it into the frame...most of my friends were not so fortunate.

So when I came across this amazing web site that let's you upload a pic and see what your school pics would look like at various years spanning five decades...I had to try it. Yep...that's me to the left circa 1960 (Afro-Ro is pretty kick ass, too). Check it out if you need to kill a few hours. You can thank me later.

Today's title selection: Back to School Again - from Grease

If I close my eyes forever...

In my short 33 years, I've done some pretty cool stuff - hiked the Grand Canyon...stood on the star at Texas Stadium...danced in a parade at Epcot Center. But I still have a million things I want to do in my lifetime. So...in an effort to keep track of it all, I started my official "Things to Do Before I Die" list today:

1. Take a Train Trip. The only train I've ever been on was the Heathrow Express in London and that doesn't really count. I want to go on a real train trip...with a sleeper car, dinner service and all that - just like the Orient Express (only without all that murder stuff). I'm sure in reality it's not so glamorous, but I want to see for myself.

2. Write the Great American Novel. I can never think of an idea that I like well enough to spend an insane amount of time writing about (much less one that I feel others would find compelling enough to read). But I will one day and then y'all can be like, "You know that best-selling author, Ro? The one whose book was optioned for that new movie starring Brad Pitt and Nikki Sixx? Yeah...I was totally one of her tens of blog readers back in the day."

3. Meet a parrot that talks. I've never seen one in person, and this just seems like something everyone should experience at least once in their lives, don't you think?

4. Visit the Galapagos Islands. This is definitely high on our list of vacation destinations. And we only have 3 weddings left this year, so we might actually get to start rebuilding our savings account (which has been depleted thanks to the tons of destination weddings we attended recently).

5. Meet Willie Nelson. He's probably not going to be around much longer, so I'd better get on this one. I've seen him in concert a million times, but think it would kick ass to hang out with him. And if I just happen to be in the neighborhood when it's time for his "medicine" -- even better.

So what's on your list?

Today's title selection: Close My Eyes Forever - Lita and Ozzy

I love you more today than yesterday...but not half as much as tomorrow...

Happy 5th wedding anniversary, SuperHusband!!!

I LOVE YOU!

Today's title selection: More Today Than Yesterday - Spiral Staircase

Flashback Friday: Hot in the city, hot in the city tonight...

Could it get any hotter? I swear every summer I ask myself why in the hell I choose to live in Texas. Then I remember my family is here (and I actually like a couple of them) and it’s a pretty kick-ass place otherwise. So...we stay and endure another 3 months of 100+ degree heat.

Isn't it weird how you didn't mind the sweltering heat as a kid? I loved - and I mean LOVED - the summer when I was growing up and I didn’t even notice the heat…except when I got into my grandpa’s pickup truck:

This is exactly what grandpa's truck looked like...just add a couple of dents and about 100 pounds of dust.

I don’t know what in the hell that Chevy's seats were made out of, but they were black…scratchy…and hot as hell. However, on days that it hauled me to the municipal swimming pool (or my friend Half-Pint's house, which had a pool), I knew better than to complain.

Of course, not every day could be a pool day. That's when I had to improvise.

Fun Fountain
There's something about a creepy clown blowing his lid that screams "Summertime fun!," no? My main memory about this thing was that the water pressure in the middle was a lot harder then the chick on the box makes it out to be. That, and the massive concussion I got every time the hat veered off course (which happened pretty often), fell 12 feet and hit me on the head.

Interestingly enough, this product was made by Wham-O. Coincidence? I think not.


Wet Banana
The Wet Banana was the poor man's Slip 'n Slide.

I had one of these at least one summer and it was heaven! Of course, I also had the requisite cuts from running into the metal things that held this into the ground, the bruises from a few missteps in throwing myself onto the damn thing and, of course, the grass burns that I got when I had too much momentum going to stop. My WB was in the front yard, and we had a huge rectangular mud pit for, like, 2 years after we got rid of the damn thing. But, like the injuries, it was a small price to pay.

Of course, all that playing made me work up a pretty good thirst. And thanks to the Snoopy Snow Cone Machine, it only took my about 30 mnutes to crank out enough ice to make a tasty, (but tiny) shaved ice treat.At one point I upgraded to the Frosty Sno-Cone Machine. Same principle, but it was a little easier to maneuver. Of course, the pill despinser-size cups were still the same.

But what if I wasn't in the mood for shaved ice? No problem. I'd just bust out my Pepsi Soda dispenser and have a nice little carbonated beverage.

Of course, it usually wasn't Pepsi. We were more of a Shasta family. So I'm sure it was Moon Mist Shasta (Mountain Dew flavor...ewww, right?), cream soda or whatever else was on sale that week.

So that's how I stayed cool in the summers...What about you?

Today's title selection: Hot in the City: Billy Idol

I have become comfortably numb...

The Good
I totally forgot to tell y'all we went to CrueFest a couple of weeks ago. Of course, it kicked ass, as you might imagine. SIXX AM was good and we met DJ Ashba and James Michael! (They are the "A" and "M" of SIXX AM.) and Motley Crue was great!! Our seats were 4th row, so I had an amazing view of Nikki. And we were even on the Jumbotron when Tommy was doing his "Tittie Cam," thanks to a chick behind us who showed the goods. (For the uninitiated, yes, the tittie cam is what you think it is.) They didn't play as much of their old stuff (pre-Dr. Feelgood) as we would've liked, but it was still the Crue...

Also good this week: Blind Melon again (hopefully the crowd will be better than last time). And we're skating at Ozzfest on Saturday (Free concert! On wheels!).

The Bad
Work sucked today. I like my job and want to keep it, so I won't go into details. I will say that I don't understand the point of paying someone to write something if you're going to completely change it so it doesn't even resemble the original product. If the edited version were better, that would be one thing...

The Ugly
My poor, aching feet. I totally sound like an old lady here, but my feet are fucking killing me. I think I had my laces too tight last night at practice (at least I'm an old lady who skates). Hell, I don't know, but I can barely walk. I have this weird crampy/numb/painful combo going on. Oh...did I mention they are nice and swollen, too? Yeah...it's lovely.

Of course, I have no idea what to do to make it better because I can't really describe it, which makes Googleing and self-diagnosis extra hard. It's so bad that even my grandma's "sleep with a bar of Ivory soap under the sheet to prevent cramps" advice isn't working (Yes, I do this). And my painkillers are missing (a double tragedy).

Tomorrow will be better.
Today's title selection: Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd